How to Calm Anxiety Attacks: 10 Practical, Therapist-Approved Tools

Memory: Remember that during an anxiety attack, our rational thinking doesn’t function well. The first thing to do is to repeat the word “memory” in your mind — to help activate reason and recall what we tend to forget under pressure or during panic: I am safe. Someone is watching over and protecting me. This situation is temporary. There are people who care about me. I am not alone, and so on.

Time: An anxiety wave lasts, on average, up to about 20 minutes. In treatment, the goal is to reduce both the duration and intensity of the wave. Simply knowing that, and using the right techniques will help this unpleasant feeling pass soon (sometimes within minutes) can be very calming and reassuring.

Breathing: Deep inhalation with a long exhale (count up to 7) sends oxygen to the brain and speeds up the “shut-down” of the anxiety system. Because breathing can feel difficult during anxiety, start gently: inhale for 2, exhale for 4, and slowly work up to 7. Repeat 3–5 times.

Grounding: During anxiety we often feel disconnected. Physical contact helps by giving the body a sense of boundaries and support (holding). Sit in a chair, close your eyes, and notice every point where your body touches the chair — from your back down to your legs. Notice your feet on the floor. Sense your body’s boundaries; feel or imagine its outline. Feel the floor, the ground, the earth beneath your feet.

Now touch your body with gentle pressure: notice your head, shoulders, right hand, then left hand, abdomen, legs, etc. Through touch we sense our body’s boundaries, which helps set limits on anxiety so it doesn’t spread and take over.

Automatic Thoughts: Anxiety-triggering thoughts are like a radio announcer broadcasting from the station “Voice of Anxiety”: Be careful. You’re walking through a minefield. You could die. You made an irreversible mistake, and more.

Part of anxiety treatment is recognizing this, and switching to a different broadcast: I am safe right now. Nothing bad is about to happen. I have ways to cope. I am not helpless. People support me. I am strong and an adult, not a small abandoned child, and so on.

Writing: Use writing to describe what you’re feeling — sensations and emotions, without censoring, judging, or criticizing yourself. Sometimes it helps to write what anxiety makes you forget, such as: Most of the time I feel safe and protected.

You can also write a list of hopes and wishes: What will I do when this tense period ends? What do I want to add to my life to make it richer and happier? How can I balance career and family? What kind of partner do I wish for? What is non-negotiable for me in a relationship?

Living in the Present: Anxiety pulls us into idealizing the past and fearing the future. Anchoring in the present helps us exit anxiety sooner — here and now. At first it may feel hard because thoughts keep drifting to past or future, but with practice you can return to the present.

Look around the room and notice details carefully. Listen to surrounding sounds. Try to notice smells. Stand up and walk slowly, paying attention to each step — focus only on walking, without letting past or future thoughts intrude. Stay in the present as much as you can.

Friends: Anxiety often brings feelings of loneliness and despair, with thoughts like no one cares or no one can help. These thoughts are usually unrealistic.

Choose one or more friends, share what you’re going through, and make plans in advance — especially for vulnerable times like weekends or holidays, so that you’re not alone during difficult moments.

Behavioral Activation: Create a written list of enjoyable activities and keep it with you. During anxiety, take out the list and make yourself choose at least one or two activities to do. Examples: driving to a favorite place, listening to a calming album, doing physical exercise, etc.

The Senses: Pleasant scents, soothing sights (like nature), good music — anything that engages the senses, send a calming message to the brain: Everything is okay and calm.

Because the anxiety system is first activated through the senses, it’s especially effective to activate the calming system through intentional sensory input.