How to Overcome Jealousy and Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Jealousy drives a person to minimize or even sabotage the success of others, often from a mistaken belief that they themselves are unable to achieve similar or greater accomplishments. When a person looks at someone else's success and finds inspiration or motivation from it, that is referred to as “kinat sofrim”- a positive form of envy that can push one to grow and improve.

Still, there are instances where a person becomes envious and tries to outdo others, not as an act of self-development, but as a reaction to comparison. This isn't healthy growth, but what we call "living in contrast"- a mindset that prevents people from maximizing their own potential.

A person might stop living their own life and instead start living a borrowed one, chasing not their personal goals, but rather trying to surpass whatever others have achieved. Their efforts multiply, they work harder than ever, but not in service of their values or dreams. Their sole aim becomes to outshine others.

Instead of waking up and saying, “Today I’ll try to be better than I was yesterday,” they wake up thinking, “Today I’ll try to be better than so-and-so.” Their whole life becomes one long competition, so much so, that they lose sight of their true goals. They constantly look around, comparing themselves, rather than looking inward and forward.

Even if this person eventually “wins” the competition and becomes more successful than the person they envied, there is no guarantee that they’ll have reached their own true destination. They may end up somewhere “better than others,” but not necessarily better for them.

Ultimately, they limit themselves. Rather than aiming for the highest outcome that matches their own talents, values, and goals, they settle for being “better than someone else”. While they may feel satisfied because they came out ahead in someone else’s race, it may leave them far from their actual potential.

In some cases, this person might spend his whole life chasing goals that don’t even reflect their values, simply to “win” a race that exists only in their mind. They might strive to buy a fancy car, even if it was never really important to them. Perhaps they’d rather invest in spiritual growth or meaningful experiences, but envy drives them to pursue the car, simply because someone else has one.

While envy keeps us trapped in competition with others, focus and self-clarity allow us to compete only with ourselves. If a person lets go of jealousy and turns their full energy toward self-improvement- trying to become a better version of themselves rather than a better version of someone else- they can finally tap into their full potential.

This may be one of the deeper meanings behind our sages’ teaching that “jealousy removes a person from the world”. The jealous person steps out of their world and enters someone else’s. They chase goals that aren’t really theirs, and they live someone else’s story while they stop living their own.

When a person finds inspiration in others’ success and uses it to believe more in their own ability to achieve meaningful goals, this is blessed envy, a healthy and productive force. When however a person tries to copy another’s achievements without asking whether that path fits their unique purpose, this becomes a destructive habit with no real benefit.

A valuable tool for overcoming jealousy is clarity. The more we define and stay focused on our own personal goals, the less we’ll find ourselves comparing with others, especially when their achievements don’t even match what we truly want. The more focused we become, the less mental space we’ll have for comparison. Over time, we’ll learn to live our lives based on our personal goals, rather than someone else’s scoreboard.