Overcoming Envy Through Self-Awareness and Purpose

When faced with difficulties in life, it's common to look around and compare ourselves to others. Not surprisingly, this approach often causes more suffering than the actual challeng itself. When we remember that each of us is a unique emissary sent by the Creator, with a personal mission that only we can fulfill, it becomes easier to cope with envy and comparison.

The most common reason for bitterness, sadness and even depression is the question “Why am I worse off than others?” Many say: “I just want to be like everyone else,” or “like those who seem to suffer less than I do.” If everyone else has money, I want money too. If others have happy marriages, I want that too. If others have children, I want children as well.

The awareness that I am unique changes everything. It helps us see that everything we’ve been given including our physical circumstances, our emotional traits, and our soul’s powers, was tailor-made for our personal mission. This insight enables us to accept ourselves and our challenges and rejoice in our portion.

The awareness that I am a one-of-a-kind soul with a singular purpose — living through circumstances designed specifically for me, can transform our entire outlook on life. If I suffer in a different way than others, it means I was entrusted with a task they were not. The first step to facing a challenge is recognizing my unique mission and believing that I am the one who has the strength to go through it. If I succeed, this suffering will become my greatest achievement; if not, it may become my downfall.

Envy Amplifies Pain

Envy is one of the greatest inner forces that destabilizes the soul. The Talmudic Sages warn that envy is one of the things that “takes a person out of the world.” It corrodes us from within. Envy grips a person’s heart and won’t let go without inner work, faith, and conscious redirection. Envy also adds unnecessary suffering on top of the actual pain of a trial.

Let’s illustrate with a parable: imagine if 95% of married couples were childless. Would the pain of not having children be as intense? The difficulty of not having children is real, but if it were the norm, people could accept it more easily. The fact that “everyone else” has children, and I don’t, is what intensifies the emotional distress.

Why don’t we grieve over not having wings? Because no one has them. When we suffer over something, it’s often because others have it and we don’t. If we’re honest, we’ll admit that envy adds unnecessary pain to the trials we endure.

Recognizing Our Unique Role Reduces Envy

When a person internalizes these ideas, they understand that they have a role in life that no one else can fulfill. They realize they are a world unto themselves. In their world, everyone else is childless, so to speak. If they were truly the only person in existence without children, would it hurt the same way? Of course not.

In truth, that is reality. Each person is a complete universe in the eyes of God. The Creator gives each soul precisely what it needs to fulfill its mission, and withholds what it does not need.

Just as a mature adult does not envy a child for receiving a toy, nor does a child envy an adult for a business deal — because these things don’t belong in their respective worlds, the same is true with all people. What others have belongs to their world and has no relevance to mine.

Envy Removes a Person from Their Own World

Now we can understand more deeply the statement of the Talmudic Sages: “Envy removes a person from the world.” That is, it removes them from their own world. They lose their sense of truth. In their personal reality, they lack nothing, because they’ve been given exactly what they need for their role.

The verse says: “Envy is the rottenness of the bones” (Proverbs 14:30). The bones represent a person’s essence or core self. When envy takes hold, it corrupts their very identity and they lose their inner sense of purpose and uniqueness. They stop building their world, becoming consumed by the outer world of others. Their inner life decays, and a shallow, hollow version of self takes its place. This leads to despair, depression, and the inability to cope with challenges.

Strengthening Our Unique Mission Helps Us Grow Through Hardship

When we strengthen the perspective that we have a mission that only we can fulfill, we can come to accept the tools, traits, strengths, and weaknesses that we were given. This allows us to face our trials more calmly and grow from them instead of being crushed by them.