Judging with Compassion: The Power of Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

In explaining the commandment "With justice shall you judge your fellow" (Leviticus 19:15), the Talmud interprets: "Judge your fellow favorably."

This verse does not refer to judges in a court of law, as they are already commanded elsewhere: "Judges and officers shall you appoint in all your gates...and they shall judge the people with righteous judgment" (Deuteronomy 16:18). Rather, it is a directive for every individual who sees their fellow engage in an act that can be interpreted either positively or negatively. One is obligated to judge them favorably in their thoughts.

This mitzvah not only benefits the one being judged by ensuring that they are not unfairly seen as negative, but also greatly benefits the person making the judgment. One who habitually judges others negatively may find temporary comfort in viewing themselves as better. However, such an approach breeds inner resentment and emotional pain, since they perceive many around them as inherently negative and threatening, even when this perception is unfounded.

Conversely, someone who trains themselves to judge others favorably sees the world in a more positive light, can feel more confident, and believes that people are generally good. The world appears friendlier, and their own emotional state improves.

How should one judge favorably? Must one distort logical reasoning to do so? Certainly not. It involves training oneself to seek internal understanding of others' motives, or at least acknowledging that not all details are known.

For example, a man stranded in a remote location during a downpour sees a familiar car approach. He waves desperately but is ignored. Initially, he may feel betrayed: "After all I've done for him, he couldn’t even stop?" But the Torah instructs him to think: "Maybe it only looked like his car." And if he is sure it was his friend's car, he might say: "Perhaps he lent it to someone else." If he saw him clearly: "Maybe he didn't recognize me." And if the friend waved: "Maybe the car was full of passengers." And if it was empty: "Maybe he was hurrying to pick up his wife and children in the rain."

This mental exercise is not naive, but a way to foster understanding, and to remember how others might misjudge us unfairly too. The Talmud illustrates this with a powerful story:

A man worked for an employer for three years, and before Yom Kippur, he asked for his wages. The employer replied he had no money, fruits, land, animals, or bedding to give as payment. Disheartened, the worker left. After the holiday, the employer came to his house with all the owed wages and gifts. The worker, surprised, was asked what he had thought during their initial exchange. He responded: "I thought perhaps you had found a bargain and used the money for that; perhaps your land or animals were leased out, or you had sanctified your possessions."

The employer replied, "Indeed, I had sanctified all my property because of my son who strayed from Torah. When I came to my colleagues, they annulled my vow. Just as you judged me favorably, may G-d judge you favorably."

Even in cases where one cannot find a favorable interpretation, they should remind themselves: "I do not possess divine insight to fully understand the situation. This person, known until now as upright, should remain so in my eyes."

Judged to Death

In the Etz Chaim school in Jerusalem, a child was seen spending unusually large amounts of money. When questioned, he gave evasive answers. Rabbi Aryeh Levin invited him to speak privately, gently holding his hand and assuring him that all people struggle with money, that honesty is valued. Moved, the boy admitted to secretly taking money from his father's wallet.

The school principal summoned the boy's father, who refused to believe it and accused the staff of wrongly accusing his "righteous" son. After Rabbi Levin shared the boy’s admission, the father collapsed in anguish: he had blamed his mother-in-law, evicted her from their home, and she had died the next day. "I am a murderer," he wept.

Rabbi Levin consoled him and advised him to visit her grave to seek forgiveness, later also mediating between husband and wife to reconcile.

It is important to note that this principle of judging favorably applies to observers, but not to those being harmed. A person being mistreated must protect themselves. Yet even then, they should consider that the aggressor may have acted out of unresolved trauma or a harsh temperament. This mindset reduces hatred toward the person and focuses it instead on the negative actions, thereby bringing emotional peace and alleviating fear and anxiety.

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