Coping With Loss: A Jewish Guide to Healing After the Death of a Loved One

Losing someone dear is one of the deepest pains a person can experience. The sense of emptiness, the persistent longing, and the flood of questions that fill the heart are all natural parts of the grieving process. Following is a guide to help you cope with such a loss.

1. Acknowledge Your Pain and Allow It Space

The first step in healing is recognizing the sadness rather than running from it.

• Give yourself time: Sadness is a natural part of mourning. Don’t suppress or ignore it.

• Cry if you need to: Tears are the body's natural way to release emotional pressure.

2. Make Space for Longing

• Remember the good moments: Take time to reflect on meaningful memories. Share them with family members and tell children about the loved one.

• Write a journal: Putting your feelings and memories into writing helps you process the loss and understand your emotions more deeply.

3. Jewish Mourning Practices – A Path to Spiritual Healing

Jewish tradition provides a structured and meaningful way to navigate grief:

• Shivah (Seven Days): A time for gathering, sharing stories, and communal support. Shivah allows pain to be expressed while strengthening family bonds.

• The Shloshim and the First Year: Each stage guides a person through gradual healing, helping them adjust to a new reality.

• Saying Kaddish: This prayer emphasizes that the soul is eternal and reinforces a deeper connection to Hashem and spirituality.

4. Draw Strength From Faith

• The Jewish view of loss: Judaism teaches that the soul is eternal and that death is a transition to a higher, more peaceful world. The understanding that your loved one is in a good place can bring comfort.

• A sense of mission: Taking on mitzvot or good deeds in the loved one’s memory gives a sense of meaning even during painful times.

5. Surround Yourself With Supportive People

• Talk to family and friends: Don’t face grief alone. Connection eases loneliness and brings strength.

• Share memories: Speaking about the loved one with people who knew them can be healing.

• Lean on the community: Judaism places great importance on community support — those who come to comfort during shivah embody this value.

6. Do Good Deeds in Their Memory

• Give charity in their honor: Acts of kindness elevate the soul of the departed and bring merit to their memory.

• Learn Torah or say Tehillim: Studying Mishnah or reciting Tehillim for the elevation of the soul connects you spiritually to the person and has real impact in the spiritual world.

7. Seek Professional Support If Needed

• Emotional counseling: If grief becomes overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek a therapist or counselor who can guide you.

• Support groups: Joining a group of others who have also experienced loss can bring comfort and understanding.

8. Reconnect With Nature and Routine

• Take care of your body and mind: Walks in nature, physical activity, and healthy nutrition can ease emotional heaviness.

• Return to routine: Even when it’s difficult, a stable routine provides grounding during turbulent times.

9. Reconnect With Spirituality and Inner Strength

• Personal prayer: Speak to Hashem and share your feelings. Ask for comfort and strength.

• Learn about faith: Reading books of emunah (faith) can offer perspective and support during grief.

10. Let Time Do Its Healing

• Grief is a journey: Pain doesn’t disappear overnight. Allow yourself to mourn at your own pace.

• Believe in life: Loss is part of the human journey, but life continues. Find ways to live alongside the pain, not inside it.

Grief is painful and heavy, but it also opens a door to deep reflection and connection to life’s greatest truths. Jewish tradition and spiritual perspectives offer tools for healing, remembrance, and strengthening the soul.

Remember: you are not alone. You have Hashem, your family, and your community. With time, love, and inner resilience, the light will return.