Why Do I Say Unwise or Tactless Things?

Often, I speak out of turn. I am pleasant and nice, and then suddenly I lose myself and say unwise, tactless comments. How did I get here, and how can I fix this?

People have an external dimension of their speech and behavior, and an internal dimension of their thoughts and feelings.

Ideally, a person should create a balance between their speech and behavior and their thoughts. Not everything we think should be said, because some thoughts are "raw," and incomplete. A person may feel anger about something and thinks, "I want to hit him." Following that thought, there is a second thought: "I am angry at him, but maybe I am also to blame for what happened," "Maybe I should learn to make peace with him," or "Maybe our relationship isn't suitable." With time, the person defines their thoughts and feelings more precisely.

A person is not "alarmed" by the initial raw emotions because they know how to organize their thoughts and feelings, thereby turning a raw emotion into a structured thought and an effective solution.

Howver, a tactless person experiences a raw feeling and does not wait a few seconds to check in with themselves whether what they feel and think is the finished product, or the raw idea.

A person with tact experiences various feelings and emotions, but knows how to say to themselves, "Yes, I feel a certain way, but this is a feeling that needs to be processed and structured further because it is not the absolute truth".

The tactless person may feel fear, an extreme need to impress, or other survival instincts, and these impair their ability to process emotions – to accept the feeling and not react immediately. They react quickly and then feel guilt.

By slowing down and taking the time to assess your thoughts and feelings, you will be able to respond more appropriately when interacting with others.