Rabbeinu Gershom: The Sage Who Protected Jewish Privacy and Family Dignity

Who Was Rabbeinu Gershom?

Most of us have heard someone joke, “Don’t open that—it’s Cherem de-Rabbeinu Gershom!” But who was this rabbi whose rulings continue to protect our privacy to this day?

Rabbeinu Gershom “Me’or HaGolah” (Light of the Exile) was the leading Ashkenazic rabbi of his generation more than a thousand years ago. He was called “Me’or HaGolah” because his teachings enlightened the eyes of the Jewish exile. Born to Rabbi Yehudah, he studied under Rabbi Leontin and Rabbi Chananel ben Chushiel, students of the Babylonian Geonim (some even count Rabbi Chananel among the last Geonim himself). His brother, Rabbi Mekir, was also a noted scholar, but Rabbeinu Gershom surpassed them all in influence and stature.

He was the first known commentator on the Talmud, well before Rashi, who studied under Rabbi Yaakov ben Yakar, a student of Rabbeinu Gershom. While Rabbeinu Gershom’s commentaries were concise and intended for advanced scholars, Rashi’s commentary explained every word, making the Talmud accessible to all. Even today, Rabbeinu Gershom’s commentary is printed in the margins of select tractates. He is also referred to by Rabbi Natan of Rome as “the teacher from Mainz.”

Like other great sages such as Rabbi Chiya and Rashi, Rabbeinu Gershom taught young children and spread Torah by building the next generation of learners.

One of his most famous liturgical poems appears in the selichot (penitential prayers):

“The holy city and its regions
Have become disgrace and derision
All its treasures buried and lost
All that remains is this Torah.”

The Cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom—and Its Lasting Impact

While the ban on reading someone else's mail is perhaps the most quoted today, Rabbeinu Gershom issued other landmark decrees and enacted each as a cherem (ban), with violators subject to communal excommunication.

Two of these rulings had a profound effect on Jewish family life:

1. A man may not marry more than one wife.
   This ban was widely accepted throughout Ashkenazic communities, though not formally adopted in Sephardic communities.

2. A man may not divorce his wife against her will.
   This protected women from being abandoned or discarded without consent.

Later halachic (Jewish legal) authorities, such as the Rosh (Rabbeinu Asher), praised these enactments, writing that “his decrees are fixed and rooted as though given at Sinai.” Rashi himself wrote, “There is none greater than he to permit [matters]... and certainly Rabbeinu Gershom, of blessed memory, who enlightened the eyes of the exile, we all live by his word, and all the Jews of Ashkenaz and its regions are students of his students.”

In total, sixteen specific enactments are clearly attributed to him, each one contributing to the structure of Jewish communal and ethical life.

A Remarkable Legacy and a Personal Tragedy

Astonishingly, a ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) written by Rabbeinu Gershom has survived. Dated the 16th of Tevet in the year 4773 (January 30, 1013), it was written for his second wife, Bonna. It remains preserved today in the Bodleian Library at Oxford.

Some sources claim that this wife strayed from the path of Torah and slandered her husband. Other sources suggest she influenced Rabbeinu Gershom’s son to abandon Judaism. In a heartbreaking decision, Rabbeinu Gershom observed shivah (seven days of mourning) for his son, either because he had converted or because he had been forced to convert and later died. From this precedent, later halachic authorities derived that one may mourn a relative who leaves the faith as if they had died.