Finding Heaven in Small Acts: The Life of Rebbetzin Kanievsky

1. Patience: Her Defining Trait: "My father, R' Chaim Kanievsky, would say that among all of my mother's admirable qualities, her patience stood out the most. It was the foundation of her entire being. She never got angry or lost her composure. As children, we made demands like any other kids. 'Mom, the milk is too hot.' Another time, it's too cold. My mother warmed and cooled, always calm. One time, we complained about seeds in the orange juice she made. She patiently strained it again, never raising her voice," shares Rebbetzin Kolodetsky.

2. Unshakeable Calm: "As we grew up, needy women often came to her for help. I recall one distressed woman asking my mother for assistance with her child. My mother tried everything, made numerous calls, but couldn't solve the issue. The woman accused her, 'You could help if you wanted to.' My mother tried to calm her, 'I've done all I can, and she's truly in distress. Understand her and be compassionate,' she said to us afterward," adds Rebbetzin Kolodetsky.

3. "Who am I to solve everyone's problems?": She had a unique insight into people's souls," her daughter explains. "Once she told me, 'People come with bags full of troubles. After they pour out their hearts to me, I tell them pleasant stories. Do you think I can solve all of their problems? I tell them sweet stories, and they often leave lighter, happier, because either half their troubles seem smaller, or they don't see them as insurmountable.'"

4. Her Home Was Everyone's, Except Hers: "She always shared whatever she had. One of her favorite sayings was, 'This home is for everyone but me!'" recounts Rebbetzin Kolodetsky.

"On Sukkot eve, we prepared a lot of eggplant salad for Shabbat. Knowing the house's constant flow, I labeled each container 'Do Not Take.' I stored them in the secondary freezer. When my mother saw this, she asked, 'Why does it say this?' 'They're meant for your guests, not you,' I explained. But my mother insisted, 'In my house, nothing will say it's forbidden to take. Change it immediately.' I relabeled them 'Belongs to Rebbetzin,' yet they were taken one by one, and she was delighted."

5. "Honor Your Father, Earn Your Blessings": When asked how she merited marrying a Torah scholar, she replied she didn't know. Pressed further, she suggested it might be due to honoring her father. During Israel's War of Independence, when it was dangerous to venture outside, she volunteered as a young girl to fetch vital supplies for her family, all while her father studied Torah undisturbed.

6. Dedication to Her Husband's Torah Studies: Reb Koldetsky eulogized Rebbetzin Kanievsky, highlighting her love for Torah. She never disturbed her husband's studies for nearly sixty years, from their marriage until her passing, not even on Erev Pesach holidays. Even when attending weddings, she took their young children, leaving him to his sacred studies.

7. Synagogue Prayers Three Times Daily: "Rebbetzin Kanievsky was meticulous about praying with the congregation. She would arrive for Shacharit before the earliest prayer time to respond 'Amen' to the blessings. She faithfully attended prayers daily, even as her health weakened. The only exception was Friday's Mincha, when she would say the prayers at home amidst Shabbat preparations," Reb Koldetsky continues.

8. Impact Beyond Sight: "Every day, she steadfastly studied works like Orchot Tzadikim and Chofetz Chaim. She was meticulous in reciting blessings and prayers from the prayer book. During chores and meal preparations, she would always stop to respond to Kaddish with 'Amen y'hei sh'mei rabba.' Who knows how many difficulties she averted for the Jewish people."

9. Preparing for Shabbat Even Through Illness: "She prepared Shabbat meals, even when unwell, for both Shabbat and Rosh Chodesh. Angels seemed to accompany her as she proclaimed, 'For the honor of the holy Shabbat.'"

10. Lighting Candles with Solemnity: "The children felt as though she was a high priest, lighting candles at the Temple when she lit Shabbat candles. She would cry and pray for those needing blessings, remembering names by heart."

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11. "Marital Harmony Begins with Modesty": "She believed modesty brought blessings, while a lack thereof could lead to hardships. She gently encouraged those not dressed modestly, blessing them warmly and urging adherence to modesty, maintaining this 'like a pilot', precise at all times."

12. Memory of an Act of Kindness: Rebbetzin viewed every Jew like her child, even strangers. Her children recall her learning of a childless young man who had visited years prior, advising him to perform a mitzvah for blessings. Before a funeral, she recalled this man and sent someone to bring him immediately; he soon had a child after fulfilling the mitzvah. Acts of kindness such as this were daily occurrences."

13. Shared Kitchen, Endless Peace: Her family recalls another story with awe: they shared a cramped living space with another family, including a communal kitchen, yet no conflicts ever arose. Rebbetzin never wronged anyone, giving everything to others selflessly, embodying 'My soul is like dust to all.'"

14. "Heavenly Bread and Margarin": During times of rationing, the Steipler gave food sparingly. Rebbetzin made sure her husband, R' Chaim, had a proper meal, while she was content with bread and margarine, calling it 'heavenly.' 'How blessed I am,' she would say, 'I enjoy bread with margarine, and my husband studies Torah.'"

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