Small Steps, Lasting Change: How to Make Real Spiritual Progress This Year

The Path to Growth Begins with One Small Step

Rabbi Shmuel Shmelke of Nikolsburg once offered a powerful interpretation of the verse, “Return, O Israel, to Hashem your G-d” (Hoshea 14:2). He explained it with a parable:

A man was carrying a heavy load when, midway through his journey, he felt too weak to continue. So, he set a mental goal: “I’ll just make it to that house over there. It’s not far.” When he arrived, he picked a new marker, a large stone in the distance, and again said, “Just until there.” This continued until he ultimately reached his destination.

That’s the meaning behind "Return until…"  True teshuvah (repentance) often happens in small steps. By setting achievable goals in specific areas of life, we can gradually remove the barriers between ourselves and Hashem and arrive at a place of spiritual completeness.

The great Mussar masters recommend selecting one small resolution, a kabbalah, for a defined period of time. Below is a list of possible commitments. Choose one and decide on a time frame (e.g., until Yom Kippur, Sukkot, or another milestone):

Sample Resolutions

• Recite Shema at bedtime from a printed siddur

• Study two daily laws about lashon hara (proper speech)

• Recite Asher Yatzar (blessing recited after using the bathroom) slowly, from a printed text

• Recite Birkat HaMazon (Grace After Meals) slowly, from a printed text

• Add an extra layer of modesty to your clothing

• Add one more prayer to your day

• Be consistent with praying in a minyan (quorum of ten men)

• Perform netilat yadayim (handwashing) with care

• Obey your parents immediately when asked

• Dedicate one hour a day to speaking only permitted speech

• Think each day about how to make a fellow Jew happy

• Call or check in on someone who could use it (a grandmother, aunt, etc.)

• Learn five minutes a day from a mussar book (e.g., Mesilat Yesharim, Orchot Tzaddikim)

• Commit to buying only modest clothing going forward

• Begin donating to an additional charity, regularly or on a one-time basis

• Study the meaning of one chapter of Tehillim per week

• Volunteer once a week

• Say Modeh Ani (prayer recited early in the morning) aloud right upon waking

• Accept Shabbat earlier and end it later (even by a few minutes)

• Wash hands at your bedside upon waking

• Say blessings with intention (out loud, slowly, while seated)

• Practice modesty in public (fragrance, attire, gathering, tone of voice)

• Judge someone favorably at least once each day

• Increase respect toward your parents

• Study two laws about Shabbat observance

• Spread Torah or inspiration (distribute content, donate to newsletters, etc.)

• Listen to the words of Torah sages

• Avoid speaking negatively about Torah leaders

• Choose one person and one time to avoid gossip

• Pay extra attention to issues of theft or dishonesty

• Avoid music that goes against Jewish values

• Learn a bit about prayer or faith before davening

• Sit while saying blessings over food

• Give one compliment a day

• Overcome anger once each day

• Smile at least once a day

• Make a weekly phone call to someone who needs support

• Refrain from talking during Torah classes 

  (Photo: Yaakov Naumi / Flash 90)

A Spiritual Contract with Yourself

Taking on a kabbalah is not a casual act; it’s a spiritual contract. It’s a tool to preserve the serious spirit of the season, even after the emotional high has faded. A kabbalah is like a covenant: when people are close, they make a pact to carry them through the times when closeness may wane.

More than that, a good kabbalah builds self-awareness. We often fall not because we lack the strength to overcome our impulses, but because we haven’t been paying enough attention to the struggle. A personal resolution brings clarity, focus, and discipline to that fight.

However, it must be realistic. A kabbalah should be meaningful, but not too hard. If it proves too difficult to maintain, it can backfire and lead to a spiritual setback.

The Maggid of Jerusalem, the late Rabbi Shalom Schwadron, once recalled a lesson from his teacher, the late Rabbi Leib Chasman.  The rabbi asked his student what kabbalah he could take on for the new year, on the condition that he would definitely keep it. The student began to respond. The rabbi interrupted: “Not like that. Sit down, think it through, and come back to me only when you’re sure you’ll follow through.”

When the student returned with a firm plan, the rabbi said, “Now cut it in half. Take on only that.”

Even a small commitment, if fully kept, is far better than a grand one that fades.