It’s important to understand that loving and respecting others does not mean surrendering to all of their demands. In fact, giving in can sometimes be the very opposite of love, especially when it stems from fear rather than thoughtful care or concern for the other person. It’s usually easy to tell the difference between yielding out of fear and fulfilling a request out of love or belief that it's the right thing to do. If you respond without reflecting on whether the request is good for you or for the other person, you're likely operating from fear. If however you respond after thoughtful consideration, you’re more likely acting out of love.
Of course there's no need to debate every small favor or request, such as bringing someone a glass of water. The idea is not to overanalyze every action, but to avoid becoming someone's robot. In general, we should remain aware of our motivations and avoid acting out of fear.
We must not become slaves to someone else’s will, including to that of a spouse. While we are to respect and honor them, we must never compromise our values or act negatively simply to please them. When we remember this, we can maintain control over our actions, instead of handing that control to others.
With internal agency, life becomes easier. Criticism and insults no longer pierce us because we don’t allow them define our self-worth. In such a state, we can respond calmly and logically, while recognizing that the other person’s opinion may not even be credible. We can train ourselves to remain joyful and grounded, regardless of how others treat us. There will always be controlling people who try to dominate us, but when our strength comes from within, we can resist their influence.
Controlling people are not happy and don’t even believe in happiness. However, they don’t want to be alone in their darkness, and they therefore try to drag others into their emotional pit. We must stand strong and fight for our own happiness, do things that bring joy, focus on positive thoughts, use uplifting language, have a sense of humor and surround yourself with a positive, supportive circle of friends.
The controlling person in the group may grow anxious and unsettled due to their loss of power, but eventually, and often inevitably, they will yield and join your side. True happiness is like a fortress, and nothing can break it. In fact, it expands and overflows into others’ territory. Your happiness can compel even the most controlling person to give up their attempts to dominate you.
If you find it difficult to feel truly happy, act as though you have plenty of reasons to smile and force yourself to smile around others. Slowly but surely, the outer happiness will seep into your heart and take root, and you’ll discover that you are genuinely happy.
There are places where a smile is so rare that people are astonished when they see one. But the natural state of the world is happiness- it is people who paint it with sorrow. Even if you're the only one smiling, you’re doing the right thing.
