Is the Grass Always Greener? Exploring Divorce Rates in the Orthodox Community

In the previous article, we mentioned two primary reasons why divorce rates are lower in the Orthodox community. Now, we will provide several more reasons.

3. Personal Growth

An individual who follows the path of Torah and commandments is accustomed to delaying gratification. They do not act on every impulse, but rather follow the "manufacturer's instructions," fulfilling the divine command to improve personal traits, consider others, avoid anger, and respect others.

Thus, when entering marriage, they are better equipped to manage anger-inducing situations, consider and respect their spouse consistently, and act according to Torah's human values. These basic actions provide them with a healthy and genuinely long-lasting relationship.

4. The Grass is Greener...

A person who follows the Torah and commandments guards their eyes and fulfills the divine command: "And do not explore after your own heart and eyes" (Numbers 15:39). In this way they are spared the false thoughts that someone else's spouse might be better, and so forth. On the other hand, if a person is careful about guarding their eyes (avoiding looking at inappropriate things) but still entertains imagined thoughts in their mind, it can negatively affect their marriage—potentially to the point of completely breaking up their home.

A believer knows what the sages say in the Talmud (Sotah 2a): "Forty days before the formation of the fetus, a heavenly voice proclaims: Daughter of so-and-so to so-and-so." They know that their match is divinely ordained, and none is more suitable for them than what is decreed from above.

As Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai revealed in the Holy Zohar (Parashat Lech Lecha, page 91b), before a soul descends into this world, it is composed of two parts: a male half and a female half. When it is time for it to descend, the two halves enter different bodies. The male half in a male fetus and the female half in a female fetus. When it is time for these two halves to marry, Hashem unites them, and through marriage, the halves become a complete soul again.

When a person reflects on this, they know that their match was given from the source of their soul, thereby preventing them from entertaining imaginary thoughts, and peace prevails in their home.

5. Marrying While Divorced

In today’s difficult times, many young Jews grow up influenced by non-Jewish culture, and by the time they reach marriageable age, they often carry emotional baggage—memories and scars from past relationships that didn’t work out.

The Creator made a pure heart for a man and a pure heart for a woman, with the intention that one day these hearts will connect during marriage and cleave to each other for a happy vibrant life together. However, a person who emotionally binds and separates repeatedly creates, often unknowingly, calluses and scars that hinder their ability to feel a healthy and natural connection for marriage, especially if the emotional connection was also expressed physically. And if, in addition, the separations were hard and painful, they may lose faith in the entire marriage system. Sometimes, even a single deep relationship that falls apart during singlehood leaves a person emotionally crippled, or at least in a similar state to a person who has experienced painful divorces (Rabbi Zamir Cohen, "Keys to Life," page 229).

Those who follow the path of Torah and commandments, and avoid experiencing such friendships and breakups, arrive at marriage with a pure heart, allowing them to connect more easilty without past scars or baggage.

[It should be noted that even a person who experienced scars in the past, but reinforced themselves through Torah and commandments, through daily lessons and life changes, can purify and renew their heart, reaching a level where the difficult past is simply an old dream from a previous lifetime. Indeed, they are born anew.]