Envy or Inspiration? The Hidden Cost of Living Someone Else’s Life

In a previous article, we defined the meaning of envy and the reasons that it is harmful.

Another fascinating point, supported by research finds that envy is more common among intelligent individuals. In fact, the more intelligent a person is, the more likely they are to experience envy in various life situations.

Highly intelligent individuals are often perfectionists and also have greater expectations of themselves. Because a person with lower intelligence generally expects less from themselves, even if they see someone else succeed, they don’t assume they could or should achieve similar results. Their ambitions are modest and they are content with average outcomes.

A highly intelligent person is commonly more ambitious and driven. When they see someone achieving something they themselves believe they can’t attain, it provokes envy.

Competitive Comparison: When Envy Becomes a Life Strategy

Envy can drive people to diminish others’ success or feel bitter toward it, especially when they believe they can’t match it. A more subtle, damaging form of envy is “comparative living", when instead of pursuing their own meaningful goals, a person begins living to outperform others. They may double their efforts- not to fulfill a personal vision, but to prove they’re better than someone they envy.

Instead of waking up and saying, “Today, I want to improve compared to who I was yesterday,” they wake up thinking, “Today, I must be better than so-and-so.”

This is abandonment of your personal path to chase goals that don’t actually serve you, just so that you can “win” in a race that doesn’t matter. Even if you do succeed and outshine someone else, there’s no guarantee it will bring you fulfillment. You may win the comparison but lose yourself in the process.

“Better Than Them” Instead of “Best for Me”

When you live to outdo others, you often settle for goals that aren’t aligned with your values or purpose. You may fall short of your full potential- not because you couldn’t reach it, but because you never aimed for it.

A person might buy a flashy new car- not because they need or want it, but simply to match or surpass a friend’s purchase. That car may never have even been on their personal list of priorities. Perhaps they truly wanted something spiritual or meaningful, but envy distracted them from their path.

From External Competition to Internal Growth

While the envious person is focused outward, comparing and competing with others, the truly growth-oriented person is focused inward, seeking to grow beyond who they were yesterday.

This is the deeper meaning of the famous teaching: “Envy takes a person out of their world.” It literally removes them from their own path and places them on someone else’s.

In contrast, productive envy- “jealousy among scholars,” as our sages call it- can inspire a person to believe in their own potential and take meaningful action.

Practical Tool: Define Your Goals

A simple tool to weaken the grip of envy is to define your goals clearly. The clearer your direction, the less likely you are to get distracted by the achievements of others. The more you focus on your personal mission, the less energy you’ll have to spend watching others.

When you’re invested in your own journey, you stop living by someone else’s success story, and begin writing your own.