What Belongs On My To-Do List?

These days, when I write down the things that I hope to accomplish for my spiritual growth, the list remains almost unchecked.

I remember how in my single days, I could accomplish so much in such a short time. I studied Torah texts, prayed calmly, attended Torah classes every day, and spent hours encouraging friends who needed it. This was in addition to working full-time and I felt good about myself!

Today, if I go to sleep without dirty dishes in the sink, I feel a sense of victory.

Every now and then, that inner voice reminds me: "What about all your plans? What about all the important things you need to do? You wanted to study, you wanted to hear at least one Torah class a day, study a book of ethics and perform a few more mitzvot."

Thus begins the internal battle between lofty aspirations and the desire to perform a few mitzvot, versus the voice that reminds you "You are a wife and a mother. The house needs you."

The second voice always wins, but why is there still a feeling of missing out and lack of accomplishment?

I realized this after a good conversation with a few close friends. This is the role of the evil inclination – to make you feel inadequate, to sadden you, to discourage you, to bring you down. It attempts to minimize the significance of the great mitzvot you do within your home: washing the dishes, cooking, organizing, and giving hugs and attention to the children.

The evil inclination introduces thoughts of insignificance about the diamonds you create moment by moment as a wife and mother. Why? Because this is our most important role, our purpose and essence as Jewish women, and therefore, it is there that it tries to bring us down and make us feel not good enough. The role of the evil inclination is to take us as far as possible from the place of holiness, from the very heart of our essence.

I decide to cut off the unwanted thoughts that sneak in and minimize the things that I do. I don't forget my other aspirations- I'll still accomplish what I can each day. Perhaps ten minutes of Torah instead of a whole class, two pages in a book instead of twenty. Each day is full and rich with other mitzvot, of being a wife and a mother, of creating a spiritual home that builds souls. This is my mission, and for the rest I will do the best that I can. Genuine satisfaction and accomplishment comes from doing what is most important and what truly matters.