How to Prevent Emotional Collapse: The Power of Facing Difficult Feelings

Every person has the ability to cope with difficult emotions when they present in low doses. When intense emotions come into play however, it becomes more difficult to cope, potentially leading to an emotional breakdown.

And yet, many people prefer to deceive themselves rather than confront their difficult feelings, because a person naturally wants to avoid pain. It's easier to tell themselves that tomorrow will be better, than to confront the pain that stems from dealing with challenging emotions.

As mentioned, it is easier to tackle challenging emotions in small daily doses. To manage the emotion, neutralize its impact, and "solve" it, the individual simply needs to look the emotion in the eye without fear. While this may be challenging to some extent, it will be manageable.

It's important not to fear emotions including fear, guilt, worthlessness and others. Without fear, we can observe our emotions realistically and deal with them appropriately.

A person who tries to suppress negative emotions may claim to be optimistic, but optimism does not contradict or ignore reality. An optimistic person can see the negative aspects in life and believe in their ability to handle and resolve them. A pessimist however will only see the negative and feels incapable of dealing with it effectively.

Cumulative Emotions

When a person manages to face reality head-on, they can find solutions that will ease their way forward. Without recognition of  their negative emotions, they will be unable to initiate any change, and as a result, they will continue to suffer until they break.

The defense mechanisms we use are fundamentally positive and occasionally allow us to survive harsh situations we couldn't manage otherwise. However, it's important to be cautious of unwise use of defense mechanisms, which may not serve us well. Negative feelings suppressed by these mechanisms do not vanish, but accumulate and eventually erupt!

Consider the following example: when a husband is late once, and his wife says nothing, she's operating from a defense mechanism because she prefers to deny the harm and the hard feeling the delay caused her. She avoids a conversation that might turn into an argument, and so she represses her feelings, telling herself it's surely a one-time occurrence or a phenomenon that will pass.

In the short term, this woman might prevent an argument. Over time however, feelings of frustration and harm accumulate. When the scenario repeats numerous times, she discovers that the trust and connection between her and her husband have significantly eroded because the emotional energy generated from the harm was merely repressed, continuing to simmer and cause deep damage.

After a year, she may realize that she never confronted her husband about his repeated tardiness, but their emotional bond is very limited. She doesn't share with him what's happening in her life, she is less kind to him, she respects him less, and so on. He himself may not understand how their relationship reached this state because she never voiced a complaint!

Perhaps if she had confronted these negative feelings early on and openly spoke about her concerns, it would have led to a change in her husband, or even sparked an argument- but the build up of negative emotions and distrust would have been avoided.

There are three ways to deal with tough life situations: pessimism, naivety, and optimism. A pessimist sees only the bad in situations and simply prepare for a bleak future. The naive always perceives the situation as positive and fools themselves into thinking that there is only good in the world. The optimist however, sees the situation clearly. They understand the negatives, comprehend the risks, and simultaneously see the opportunities. They make efforts to figure out how to tackle the difficult aspects, and how solve the problem and grow from it. They know that everything is from Hashem, but they understand that the situation was sent to bring about something positive! To become stronger, more flexible, humble, focused, or mature.

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch teaches that the word "yissurim" means "corrections." Thus, trials and challenges are Divine signals intended to align us to the good path, and we must harness them to learn and grow!

If someone loses a large amount of money, it's a difficult scenario, but also a learning opportunity to be more cautious, focused, or assertive to ensure it doesn't recur. An optimist approaches each situation with "respect and suspicion." On one hand, they understand its negatives, while on the other, they focus on the potential good that can arise and make the most of it.

Extreme Conditions

In extreme and exceptional conditions, a nervous breakdown can lead to a psychotic episode, where one loses touch with reality, necessitating urgent professional assistance. As understood, a nervous breakdown arises from confronting overwhelming emotions all at once, after defense mechanisms collapse, disabling further suppression. For the same reason, in extreme conditions, a person may completely lose touch with reality as a powerful defense mechanism, while striving to escape harsh circumstances and their associated feelings.

In such situations, there is often a need for distinct professional help, possibly including antidepressants or tranquilizers. The goal of such treatment is not necessarily to resolve the root issue but to provide an immediate response to acute distress, while after stabilization, further processing of causative factors is necessary to prevent subsequent breakdowns.