Balancing the Pursuit of Greatness with Everyday Life

What is the difference between "aspiration" and unrealistic expectations? We are educated—and rightfully so—to strive for greatness in every area: in Torah, in serving G-d, and in acts of kindness. The Torah teaches us that we possess incredible inner strengths that, when used properly, can lead us to great spiritual heights.

Does that mean we should expect to already be at the peak in our everyday lives? Absolutely not! We were not created perfect, and reaching the summit requires a lifetime of work. The aspiration—or rather, the illusion—that we can already be perfect now has no foundation in reality.

A person must learn how to balance the drive for greatness on the one hand, and living a normal, calm, and peaceful life on the other. Someone who constantly measures themselves against the perfection they strive for will always feel lacking, which puts them in a constant state of guilt: Why am I not perfect? Why am I not as great as I could be? Why haven’t I yet reached the heights I aspire to?

The problem isn’t the aspiration itself but in the way we evaluate our day-to-day actions through the lens of long-term life goals. We judge ourselves today based on the ideal person we hope to become fifty years from now. With that kind of challenge, there's no way to succeed.

Aiming high is excellent. But it's important to understand that the path may take many years, and it will include many failures. To reach the summit, there's no alternative: one must fall and rise, shake off the dust, keep going, fall again, and get back up—again and again. That’s the only way to truly succeed. There's no reason to be surprised each time we fall or don’t succeed immediately.

It’s okay to feel pain from each fall, and there’s no reason to develop indifference to this. On the contrary, someone who becomes indifferent to their own failures is essentially giving up on their values by accepting their absence. Eventually, the soul will internalize that holding on to those values costs too much, and that will lead to a complete abandonment of them. In such a case, the person—unable to face their own shortcomings—will begin to detach from and deny their own values just to avoid guilt. And this can ultimately lead them to become a person without values.

A person can reach far, and while it certainly requires effort and dedication, it is not beyond their capabilities. The real problem begins when someone believes they can get somewhere in life without experiencing failure. If they understood that failure is an inseparable part of the process, they wouldn’t despair or conclude that the goal is beyond their reach.

Many times people compare themselves mid-process to others who are already several steps ahead—an unfair comparison that leaves them feeling inadequate. It’s like a first-grader comparing their knowledge to their eighth-grade sibling’s. It’s an unrealistic, hopeless comparison that doesn’t reflect objective success, but only leads to discouragement and eventual failure.

Consider for example, a young man who aspires to become great in Torah. Does that mean he shouldn’t eat breakfast now, or shouldn’t engage in a casual conversation occasionally to calm his restless mind? Of course not. In fact, only if this young man learns to balance his high aspirations with the current needs of his daily life will he eventually be able to realize his ambition.

If he were to feel guilty every time he closes his Talmud for a few minutes to take care of life’s basic needs, it wouldn't help him climb higher. It will likely lead to burnout, discouragement, and ultimately, abandonment of his beautiful aspirations.