You Don't Need 20 Years of Experience to Get the Job

Sometimes, it can seem like we’re the only ones not doing well. Everyone else is married, everyone else has figured things out, everyone has a peaceful home, a steady income, and well-behaved children. Only I seem to have problems. Maybe I’m still single, which means that something is wrong with me. Maybe I’m married, but we struggle so much while all our neighbors live in harmony. Perhaps I am happily married, but I’m having a hard time raising the kids.

On the flipside, there are those who think that they are perfect and that everything is fine with them. Have these people really worked on their relationship? Have they truly grown together? From my work with many couples, I’ve seen that what some people refer to as “good” is often just the initial stage of the relationship. Living together comfortably, like roommates, doesn't necessarily indicate a deep bond. We need to internalize the idea that life is a process and everyone is on the journey- no person is perfect.

In my personal journey, there came a point when I began to notice the “holes in the boat”- all the flaws and difficulties within myself. Many things that I wasn’t aware of started to surface, and I felt like I was the most dysfunctional person in the world. A good friend of mine, a highly experienced therapist, smiled when I shared this and said, “You think it’s just you? Everyone- even those who seem the most put-together- feel the same insecurities and difficult emotions deep down.” They may not admit it to themselves, but everyone faces struggles.

That might sound like cold comfort- how does it help me if others have problems? I still need to deal with my own! But knowing that everyone experiences hardship carries significance. On one hand, it validates that our challenges are real, and on the other, it reassures us that we’re not unusual.

If I believed that only I struggle, I might think that I’m fundamentally flawed, beyond repair. But understanding that struggles are a universal part of life reminds me that things can improve. That we should keep working and continue moving forward. Once I began working in therapy and relationship counseling, I witnessed it firsthand: we all have so much good within us, and we all have our difficulties. We're all on the journey, doing the best we can.

Working In Motion

I once met a man in his late 30s who wanted to get married, but told me it wasn’t the right time. His eyes, lined with faint smile wrinkles, looked at me seriously. “Not the right time?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve realized I need to work on some traits within myself. If I don’t fix those things, how can I get married? I’m not willing to end up in a broken relationship like the one I saw with my parents or my brother. First, I need to fix myself, and only then can I get married…”

Too often, we focus only on the end goal, unwilling to endure the journey, especially not with someone else. This man wanted to reach a perfect place with no issues or pitfalls. He didn’t want to hurt or be hurt. Rebbe Nachman teaches that the story is told on the way.

You don’t need to have flawless character to get married, you don’t need 20 years of experience to get a job, and you don’t need to be perfect to live. On the contrary, we need to take everything inside us, flaws and all, and accept and acknowledge that we’re not perfect, but we’re in progress. This is what it means to work on the move- to grow and improve along the way.

What am I currently postponing until “I’m fully ready”? Is is truly justified- or is it just fear? Jumping into something prematurely isn’t wise, but is this delay genuinely necessary, or is something blocking me? It may help to consult a close friend or your partner. How do they see this point from the outside? What light can they shed on it?

From Ran Weber's book – "Surely There Is Love". To purchase the book on Hidabroot Shops, click here.