The Healing Power of Presence

As referenced in previous articles, the healing of the sick is influenced by the verse, "A man’s spirit will sustain him in illness, but a broken spirit- who can bear?" (Proverbs 18:14). A person’s spirit and hope in recovery play a crucial role in the healing process. This is one of the reasons the mitzvah (commandment) of visiting the sick is so important.

It's important to understand that the purpose of this mitzvah is to visit and support the sick- not to rebuke them. When someone has unfortunately been struck by misfortune or illness, that is not the time to remind them of their past wrongdoings or to call them to repentance. Not only is this unhelpful, but it can also worsen the patient’s emotional state, and such reproach may even be considered a violation of the prohibition against causing distress to others ("Do not wrong one another" – Leviticus 25:17).

Indeed, we find that when Job was afflicted with suffering, his friends came and rebuked him for his actions in hopes of encouraging him to repent. However, our sages teach (Bava Metzia 58b) that for us, this is not the appropriate approach. When visiting someone who is ill or in distress, the correct path is to listen to their pain, give them space to express themselves, and offer encouragement and strength.

Even if a person believes that the illness is a consequence of the person’s past actions, this is not the time to say so. On the contrary, blaming the sick at such a moment falls under the category of verbal wrongdoing (ona'at devarim) and is a serious offense.

When visiting the sick, it's essential to bring joy, a cheerful demeanor, and optimism. When the visitor radiates calmness and positivity, this transmits hope to the patient which can significantly improve their chances of recovery. As the verse says, “A man’s spirit will sustain him in illness". Even false hope can serve as emotional medicine, strengthening the patient’s inner resilience, raising cortisol levels in a healthy way, and helping the body cope better with illness. In fact, studies show that emotional strength can extend a person’s life by up to ten years.

Windows to the Soul

Bringing optimism into the room of a severely ill patient is not always easy. Many times, the patient may appear withdrawn and distant due to emotional pain and confusion, and this can cause visitors to hesitate out of respect or discomfort.

However, when the sick feel isolated from their surroundings, their suffering increases dramatically. Alongside the physical pain, they also experience emotional abandonment and loneliness, which worsens their overall condition. This is especially true for people who were socially active before falling ill.

This sense of distance is often present even among medical staff. Sometimes, the emotional withdrawal of the patient causes doctors or nurses to avoid even a brief interaction. Yet studies show that even a minute or two of engagement once or twice a day can significantly reduce patient anxiety and contribute to healing.

Similarly, patients who were hospitalized in rooms with windows facing the sky or a natural landscape showed better outcomes than those in windowless rooms. Isolation in a closed space amplifies distress, while the presence of a window helps the patient feel connected to the outside world.

When visiting the sick, it is therefore recommended when possible, to encourage a short walk outdoors. Being stuck in a hospital room intensifies negative feelings, while just a few minutes in fresh air can meaningfully improve their emotional and even physical state.

That said, we should strike a balance so as not to pressure the patient, but also not to back away entirely if they say that they don’t want to see anyone. Often, such statements are a knee-jerk reaction, not a final stance.

Helping Without Being Consumed

Patients in difficult or terminal conditions often experience cycles of anger, anxiety, and depression. These emotions may unintentionally spill over onto those around them, especially those closest to them.

It is common for the patient to complain specifically about family members who are doing the most to help, accusing them of being insensitive, neglectful, or unaware of the severity of the situation. This is emotional projection: the patient is channeling their inner distress toward their loved ones.

The family may become emotionally overwhelmed by this and desperately try to meet every need and expectation. Out of genuine care and a desire to help, they may neglect their jobs, families, and personal well-being to support the patient. Unfortunately however, this dynamic is unsustainable. Over time, the support system begins to show signs of burnout and collapse.

The patient may not even be able to express gratitude for the help being given. Instead, they may continue to direct their bitterness toward those helping them, leaving caregivers emotionally drained without even a word of thanks that might give them the strength to carry on.

When possible, the patient should be gently encouraged to express appreciation to their supporters and avoid lashing out at them. Still, it’s not always within the patient’s control, especially when they are overwhelmed by emotional turmoil.

The primary responsibility lies with the caregivers and visitors, who have greater emotional and behavioral control. They must remember that providing help is a noble act, and they must not take the patient’s bitterness personally. It is not an attack on them, but a reflection of the pain the patient is experiencing.

With proper care, hope, and prayer, may the pain be lifted, and may there be a complete recovery.