Break Free from Fear and Live Your Dreams: How to Reclaim Your True Self

Many of us walk through life without a clear purpose and without truly feeling like we are “someone.” Many of us have hidden dreams and desires related to what we want to do with our lives, the kind of relationship or family we want, or all of the above.

And yet, many of us are afraid. We are afraid to pursue our dreams and afraid to believe they could come true. Some of us don’t even dare to dream at all. There are a number of reasons for this, which we’ll explore below. But first, let me say this: Be who you are! Don’t hesitate! Don’t be afraid! Your happiness is out there.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s one of two things: either you’ve already fulfilled your dreams, and they are no longer hidden, or your dreams are buried so deep that you don’t even let yourself dream them! I say, choose to dream, and then take the next step toward making it a reality.

Perhaps you don’t believe in yourself. Perhaps you see a million obstacles in your way. Maybe you have anxiety, even depression. But despite everything, it is possible! You’re alive which means that you can still change.

(Photo: shutterstock)

Some of you may be thinking: “What is this guy talking about? I have no chance! He’s just typing out feel-good words for nothing…” I get it. I really do. That’s the natural response. But I’m telling you this based on people I’ve met, who began to believe in themselves, who discovered their strengths, made a plan, put in the effort, and progressed. I’m not saying they always achieved their dreams, but I am saying that they reached a place where they finally felt they were living the life they were destined to live.

Let me share a lovely example. Just recently I met a wonderful man who suffers from social anxiety. He’s been to countless therapists and professionals and he has every reason to give up, but he hasn’t. He has big dreams to become a public speaker who teaches wisdom and Torah! Think about it- this is someone who barely managed a short conversation with people outside his close circle. He fought tooth and nail, made progress, and today, in the middle of his journey, he proudly declares his dream. I don’t know exactly where he’ll end up, but if he keeps moving forward with courage, I’m confident he’ll find a way to live his dream.

Today, he dares to dream! He even includes it in his long-term goals. Simply living with that dream in mind already makes him feel more alive. He’s becoming who he really is and he’s no longer afraid to dream or to pursue it. He’s on his way to being himself!

What truly stops people from pursuing their dreams? It’s important to understand this. Motivational words fade once the emotional excitement wears off. Only through understanding what drives us, and how to respond, can we truly build a new, meaningful life.

When we look inward, we may recognize thoughts like: “But everyone knows me as someone who acts a certain way- it would be ridiculous to suddenly act differently.” Or the all-too-familiar voice (tinged with bitter laughter): “Pfft…you’ve tried a million times and nothing worked. Who are you kidding?”

From experience, these are the biggest obstacles. Let’s focus on the first one for now (you’ll see it applies to the second as well):

Let’s be honest- it is weird to change suddenly. If everyone knows you as someone quiet and reserved, barely noticed, and you suddenly become the life of the party, it will raise eyebrows. Don’t stop there- ask yourself: “What’s the price I’m paying to keep this image, to maintain what people expect of me? I’m giving up the chance to become who I really want to be! Is that worth it, just to avoid some raised eyebrows?”

Even if people do react, how long will that last? What seems odd at first soon becomes normal. Eventually, people will accept the new you. Is it really worth stopping your whole life just to avoid a few strange looks?

You might say: “Come on…even if it all makes sense, you know the saying: ‘Emotion has a logic that logic can’t understand.’ So how will all this reasoning help? The feeling is what’s blocking me!”

You’re right. Logic doesn’t always connect to emotion right away. However many people overlook the fact that our thoughts and feelings are deeply connected. You can’t think, “Wow! What a beautiful world! People are so kind! Life is amazing!”- and at the same time feel angry and miserable.

(Photo: shutterstock)

The opposite is true: when we interpret our reality positively, we feel positive. When we interpret it negatively, we feel negative. This is the reason why our interpretation of life matters.

We all have ingrained thought patterns. If a person has spent years convincing themselves that it’s pointless to try, that change is silly or impossible- they won’t instantly believe a new way of thinking, even if it makes perfect sense.

And that’s a good thing. If we could switch our opinions in a second, we’d all be religious one day, secular the next, and maybe Buddhist by the weekend. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s why G-d gave us a built-in resistance to changing beliefs which keeps us stable.

What’s the solution? We need to check whether our old thinking still serves us. We then need to repeat the new, healthier thoughts to ourselves daily, and gradually change our behavior until the new thinking becomes our new reality.

This process is actually at the core of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), a well-researched and effective approach to personal change.

Make the decision, and put in the effort, slowly and consistently.