Becoming Who You Believe: The Power of Identity and Self-Fulfilling Potential

The students were sitting in class, in the middle of a lesson. Like in every classroom, there were students who performed better and those who struggled more. But unlike most classrooms, something was about to change. Those who had underperformed- some even labeled as “failures”- were destined to succeed, without even planning to.

The teachers had been told that certain students were gifted and had great potential and should be paid special attention. The truth was that not all of these students were actually talented, but the prophecy fulfilled itself.

This is known as the “Pygmalion Effect". The description above is based on a real experiment conducted in a classroom. Following those students later showed that the vast majority actually became successful. The conclusion we can draw from this is profound.

Who I am today and who I will become depends on who I imagine I can be. Our identity- how we see ourselves and what we believe about ourselves- shapes our behavior and our vision of what we can do and who we can become.

The Power of Self-Belief

A person who sees themselves as having a weak personality-"That’s just who I am"- likely won’t change because they don’t believe they can. They won’t take actions that build strength, and therefore their “prophecy” becomes self-fulfilled. If that person truly believed they had inner strength, they would begin to behave accordingly, and become stronger.

Consider Daniella, who has a daughter of marriageable age who has been “stuck” for a while. When asked why she doesn’t contact matchmakers to help her daughter, Daniella replies: “I just can’t. That’s not who we are.”

What’s wrong with calling a matchmaker? What does “that’s not who we are” even mean? And why say “I can’t”? The answer lies in her identity definition: “We’re not those kinds of people.” If that’s who we are, then of course we “can’t.” But if I am that kind of person, I could do it easily.

Our identity is made up of beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world. This identity forms over time, shaped by parents, siblings, friends, and experiences. It doesn’t develop in a moment and can't be changed that quickly either.  A person won’t become brave overnight just because they decide to, or develop a strong character from one change in mindset. It requires gradual, consistent actions that convince them they’re becoming someone new.

The Pygmalion Effect in Action

In the experiment we began with, the teachers believed certain students were high-achievers, and as a result, they invested more in those students by giving them more attention and signaling their belief in their potential. Even when these students failed, the teachers were more forgiving, assuming the fault was theirs, rather than the students.

Eventually, the students internalized the label and began to believe it, so that over time, they became high performers. Repetition of the sincere belief in them made all the difference.

(Photo: shutterstock)

What Are We Telling Our Children?

What are you telling your children with your words, actions, and tone? Are you communicating that they are smart, capable, and good- or the opposite?

How responsible are we for who our children are and and who they will become? I know that some will say: “Not my kid. He really is hyper,” or, “He just wasn’t born with much talent.”

However, experience (and this experiment), demonstrate that even if you believe that your child is restless, unsuccessful, or lacking talent, if you refrain from labeling them negatively and instead consistently praise and believe in them, even if you don’t mean it yet, you’ll begin to see them change before your eyes.

The Same Applies to Ourselves

How many times have you held back from doing something important just because you told yourself: “I can’t. That’s not who I am”? That is your identity barrier speaking.

An experiment was done with fleas placed in a container with a lid. At first, they tried to jump out, but the lid blocked them. After a while, even when the lid was removed, they no longer tried to jump higher than the lid had been. This is the sad truth behind “I can’t, I’m not that kind of person".

(Photo: shutterstock)

When we change our thinking and our beliefs about what we can do, our behavior naturallly follows.

How is this done?

1. Decide who you want to be. Write down detailed traits of this person: How do they think? How do they walk? What do they wear? Slowly adopt these traits, internalizing that you are becoming this person.

2. Identify a key trait that this version of you has, and begin to practice it. Pay attention to how this trait changes how you feel.

3. Embrace your new identity. Get excited about it. Remind yourself: “This is who I’m becoming.”

4. Create a clear plan. What do you need to do, step by step, to embody this identity? Apply it gradually- don’t leap too far too fast.

5. Be consistent. Use reminders such as sticky notes, wallet cards to keep your focus sharp. Don’t let your resolution fade.

6. Expect setbacks. Don’t panic when you fail. Instead, celebrate the small wins. Remind yourself how far you’ve come and stay focused on the journey.

7. Be your own PR agent. Talk about this trait and let it become part of your everyday life. Even if you slip up, your commitment to this identity will grow stronger.

If you truly desire this new identity and persist through the ups and downs, you will succeed.