Love Yourself First: The Torah’s Secret to Healing, Happiness, and True Connection

The Torah commands us: “Love your neighbor as yourself – I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:17–18). Rabbi Akiva famously taught that this verse is “a great principle in the Torah”. What did he mean by this?

Rabbi Akiva, who reached lofty levels of understanding what it means to truly love G-d, explained that the only path to fulfilling the mitzvah of “loving the Lord your G-d” is through “loving your neighbor as yourself.” This, he said, is the central rule of the Torah. The only way to genuinely love G-d is by first loving yourself- “as yourself.” There is no shortcut.

This article explores how to apply this principle in our daily lives. The key to loving others- and loving G-d- is self-love and self-acceptance. When we succeed at this, everything else in life begins to align. We experience small miracles, our health improves, financial stability becomes attainable, relationships become more fulfilling, we express ourselves creatively, and life feels like paradise.

“I Don’t Deserve It”: Why Self-Love Is Essential

We must love ourselves because you cannot give to another what you do not have yourself. A person can only give to others what they possess- be it knowledge, emotional strength, or wisdom. A sad person cannot bring joy to others and a hopeless person cannot offer encouragement. Someone who doesn’t understand a subject can’t teach it. We give outwardly only what exists inwardly. When someone loves and accepts themselves, they can extend that love to others. If however a person is full of self-criticism, judgment, and anger, that same attitude will be projected onto others.

Self-love (which is the opposite of selfishness or egoism) generates a deep sense of inner security and worthiness. Self-acceptance creates internal order and allows us to receive good things in life: healthier relationships, new job opportunities, a better place to live, or even improved physical health.

No meaningful change can happen without first accepting and loving ourselves as we are in this moment.

The Effort Is Worth It: Steps to Self-Acceptance

A. Stop criticizing yourself.
Criticism locks us into the very pattern we’re trying to break and keeps us stuck. Instead, say: “I’m letting go of the need to constantly judge and blame myself. I did my best. I deserve to be acknowledged, and I now allow myself to receive that acknowledgment with love.”

B. Appreciate what’s already good in you.
Acknowledge your strengths, talents, kindness, and all the good you do for others. Start noticing the small wins: making meals, organizing the home, going to work, caring for family. These tasks require effort, commitment, and deserve your own recognition.

C. Reframe your “flaws.”
Often, what we think are personal defects are just expressions of our uniqueness. People may misunderstand or mislabel our behaviors. Instead of self-blame, look deeper- perhaps what others criticize is simply your own unique way of navigating life.

D. Do things that make you feel good.
Eat food that nourishes you, walk at your own pace, surround yourself with people who uplift you and think thoughts that bring joy.

E. Know you are worthy- unconditionally.
Believe that you deserve good in your life, without needing to earn it through suffering or self-sacrifice. Say: “I am worthy of all good things in the world, and I receive them now.”

F. Focus on the positive.
Whatever you focus on grows. Stop repeating negative affirmations like “I hate my job.” Replace it with, “I am attracting a wonderful new job.” Your subconscious listens.

Speak Life Into Existence

Say aloud the kind of life you want: “I am successful,” “I’m a wonderful parent,” “I deserve love.” Solomon taught: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Words shape reality- positive speech creates a positive life.

Let’s pay attention to what we say, and if we catch ourselves speaking negatively, flip it. The results will follow. When we love ourselves, we begin to heal our own lives and the world around us.