Does Prayer Really Work? A Rabbi’s Response to Life's Unfair Comparisons

Rabbi Aron Moss, rabbi of the Nefesh community in Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia, receives many questions each day which he answers with wisdom, wit, humor, and sensitivity.

Question:

My brother is a devout religious man, prays three times a day, and has strong faith in G-d. I’m the complete opposite — in fact, a non-believer, and I certainly don’t pray. Comparing our lives over the past three decades, I see success in my business and enjoy good health. My brother, on the other hand, has failed in almost everything. Isn’t this proof that prayer doesn’t work? Clearly, prayer hasn’t helped my brother.

Answer:

Your question is based on a mistaken assumption. You seem to view prayer as a kind of shopping list, as if G-d is a divine vending machine and prayer is the coin you insert to get what you want. If that’s the case, I agree with you — the vending machine doesn’t work.

However, that’s not what prayer is. Prayer is an expression of gratitude and humility. We thank G-d for what we’ve received, and humbly ask for what we need. We acknowledge that everything we have is a gift, and that whatever we lack can only be granted by G-d, who is the source of all.

G-d may give us what we ask for, but He may not. We know this from the outset.

So did your brother’s prayers "work"? The true test is not whether his life is easy, but how he handles the challenges that come his way.

Everyone faces difficulties. We all go through good times and bad — whether we pray or not, life will present us with obstacles.

A person of faith understands that nothing happens by chance, everything has meaning, and ultimately, G-d is in control. This doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen, but that you’ll have the tools to face them.

Maybe your brother’s prayers have given him a healthier perspective such as the insight to see the bigger picture, the strength to find hidden blessings even in hard times, and the humility to accept that we can’t control what happens to us, only how we respond.

That, I would say, is a prayer that does work.

You can’t compare your life to your brother’s. Every person has their own path and mission. Your brother’s challenges are not yours, and what you call “success” in your life may not even be meaningful to him.

The only fair comparison you can make is with yourself. Does prayer help shape your character in a positive way? I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but perhaps prayer could help you become even better.

We all need more patience, humility, and emotional resilience. You can’t buy those qualities from a vending machine, but you can develop them through prayer.

After all, maybe your brother isn’t such a failure.