Feeling Anger Toward Heaven, God Forbid? What Should I Do?

I believe that everything is from Hashem. But when bad things happen in my life, I unfortunately feel some anger, God forbid, toward Heaven, because I know that Hashem is responsible for everything and causes everything that happens to me. For example, if I fail a test, I look up at the sky and "blame" what was decreed for me... How can I rid myself of such a thought?

* * *

Hello and blessings,

To rid yourself of such erroneous thinking, you need to remind yourself of the following four things:

1. Remember that Hashem created the entire world, and He is eternal and infinite — therefore he cannot receive anything from you. This means that everything Hashem does is solely for your benefit and personal good, not for His own. As you cannot give any pleasure to the blessed Creator, this alone reminds you that all matters of reward and punishment in the world are meant to benefit. Similar to a surgeon who may cause pain in order to save a patient's limbs, so too does Hashem at times afflict us in order to save our spiritual organs, to ensure our souls are corrected and pure for the next world. Hashem gains nothing from this, and all is done with kindness. See here for the article "If a Father Loves, Why Does it Hurt"

2. Remember that Hashem is wiser than you. He created the cells in your body, and you do not have the ability to comprehend how sophisticated they are. He created the entire universe, and scientists win Nobel Prizes for sometimes understanding a little of His ingenious works. Note that when you "get angry" at Heaven, you are treating the Creator as if He is on your level. This is a severe mistake. The Creator made you, all of your traits, the brilliant brain in your head, and arranged the genius arrangement of organs in your body, and created your spiritual soul that no person can comprehend the connection between spirit and matter. He knows what is best for you more than any person or being in the world because there is none wiser or more understanding than Him. 

Do not forget that Hashem knows everything, and His wisdom has no limits. He sees the future and knows exactly what will benefit you and what will not in this life. In this world, we are like little children, mere infants, before our Father in Heaven:

"And you shall know in your heart that just as a man chastises his son, so Hashem your God chastises you" (Deuteronomy 8:5).

Hashem raises us and educates us so that we may obtain true goodness in the World to Come, just as an infant sometimes needs a shot and doesn't understand why, all is for his benefit when he grows up. We must always trust in Hashem, as He knows better than us what is good for us, for we clearly see that all His actions in creation are done with wisdom, and His wisdom knows no bounds.

Please read the article "Great Grief and a Small Father"

3. Imagine a rich man who owes you nothing gave you a gift of ten million dollars, but from time to time he "tests" you by asking for a few dollars here and there. Would you be angry at him? After all, he owes you nothing, and everything he gave you was just a gift.

Similarly, you must remember that Hashem gave you a million gifts, that you do not even acknowledge at all, and they are very, very precious gifts without any limits to their value, and He was not obligated to give them to you:

Hashem gave you eyes to see the world, to see it in vivid colors and in three dimensions. Hashem gave you two ears to hear in stereo. Hashem gave you teeth to chew, with incisors first and then molars to ease the processing of food. Hashem gave you a mouth to speak, and a tongue to taste and enjoy. Hashem gave you two hands with joints and fingers. Hashem gave you a genius body that allows you to exist in the world. Hashem created beautiful trees and interesting and magnificent animals, and tasty fruits, and produced the seasons, clouds, and rain. Hashem created metals in the ground and materials so we can manufacture cars and tools. Hashem established laws in the world that allow for the technology, such as radio waves and aerodynamics (the ability to fly) and more, all based on laws that Hashem created in creation for our benefit.

Everything small in this world that you enjoy, that makes you feel good, and is beautiful in your eyes, that is tasty to you, that smells good, that gives joy and positive feelings — all comes solely from Him. He gives you the opportunity to enjoy creation, and his gifts are worth millions:

Think of a blind person, how much money they would be willing to spend to see the world. No technology can compete with the eyes Hashem gave you as a gift.

Think of a deaf person, how much they would spend to hear. Think of a mute person, how much they would pay to speak.

Think of a person who is missing a limb or paralyzed. A person whose digestive system does not allow them to eat certain foods. A person who limps or does not function properly. Not everyone receives all the gifts that Hashem created. But we all received very precious gifts beyond any price or value.

Once you are aware that Hashem gave you gifts worth millions, and even the richest people in the world wouldn't trade their wealth for these gifts, how can you continue to be upset over small things like failing a test? Would you be angry at a billionaire who gave you a four-story villa and a private pool and a penthouse and ten luxury cars — just because he scratched your car?! Think logically about this, and you'll see you have no right to be angry with someone who gave you a million free gifts, all for your benefit, and you can't give him anything in return. Even the suffering that Hashem gives you is only to benefit you, similar to a doctor repairing the body, so you should thank Him even for the suffering.

4. No less important is to remember that the fact you feel pity for yourself, sorrow for your pain, or the pain of others, is only because Hashem created within your traits a measure of compassion. So how can you suspect Hashem of being immoral? After all, all your morals and compassion come solely from Him. Just look at His holy Torah which taught us "Love your neighbor as yourself", "Do not place a stumbling block before the blind", "Do not be a slanderer among your people", "Do not covet", "Love the stranger", etc'. 
Let us ask everyone: Who gave you all the compassion you have for yourself and others? There are cruel people in the world who have no compassion for others. Even animals have no compassion for their own kind (a cat does not feel compassion for another cat run over on the road). Compassion is something special given in the heart of a person by God — He is the Father of all compassion, and all compassion comes only from Him, and to the Jews, He gave abundant compassion! He is called in the language of the sages "Rachmana", the Compassionate One, and in the Torah, it says about Him, "slow to anger and abounding in kindness". Even His people, Israel, are called "shy, compassionate, and doers of kindness".
From here you will see that Hashem is certainly much more compassionate than us, for He is the source of all compassion, and only thanks to Him are we able to have compassion. 
All cruelty or hardness of heart, that one might attribute, God forbid, to the Creator, comes only from lack of knowledge of His deeds, as this world is hidden and not understood, a small part of many reincarnations that we do not know the beginning or the end. When we reach the World to Come, the world of souls, and see the real world, we will understand that He is indeed more merciful and gracious than any human being, and more than we could have imagined.

Please search Google for the words "Fateful Conversation", and read the dialogue on the existence of the Creator and also the question of meaning and suffering.
Sincerely,
Daniel Beless