Why Do We Pray First for a Son and Not a Daughter?

Or asks: "My wife asked me, why do we specifically pray for a male child? Is a male considered superior to a female in Judaism? And is a woman considered less important than a man?"

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Hello and blessings, Or, and thank you for the question.

It is important to preface by stating that according to Judaism, a man and a woman complete each other, and only together are called "human."

The woman is not portrayed in the Torah as inferior to the man but as an inseparable part of him, one flesh. The Sages further explained that man and woman are one essence, and the first human was initially male-and-female in one body (possessing characteristics of both genders until the Creator separated the woman). Therefore, it is said in the Book of Genesis (5:1): "On the day God created man... He called their name Adam on the day they were created." According to Kabbalah, the soul is actually divided into a man and a woman when descending to this world.

Moreover, unlike any other religion or culture in history, Judaism teaches us about the concept of prophecy in the people of Israel, such as the holy matriarchs (Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah), Deborah, Huldah, and Queen Esther. The Sages do not differentiate between men and women in their capacity to reach high spiritual levels and even prophecy, as the Sages said: "Be it a Gentile or an Israelite, a man or a woman, a servant or a maidservant, depending on a person's deeds, the divine spirit rests upon them" (Yalkut, Judges, chapter 4, 4). They also told us: "Just as there were 600,000 prophets for Israel, so there were 600,000 prophetesses" (Shir Hashirim Rabbah 4:22).

The Sages said about the verse "Whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her voice" (where Hashem commands Abraham in the Torah to listen to the voice of his wife Sarah, after being unsure what to do about Ishmael), that from here we learn Sarah excelled Abraham in prophecy. We therefore see that women are capable of reaching the level of prophecy (which is the highest connection between a person and their Creator). Midrash Zuta (Ruth, chapter 4) states: "The generations are redeemed only in the merit of the righteous women of the generation."

Contrary to what you asked, Judaism is actually the only religion in the world that commands every person to bring daughters into the world as well, a commandment grounded in the mitzvah of procreation, which requires every father to bring both a son and a daughter into the world, and he has not fulfilled the commandment until he has also brought a daughter into the world. Thus wrote Rambam in Hilchos Ishus (chapter 15): "A man is commanded to procreate... How many children should a man have for this mitzvah to be fulfilled? A male and a female, as it is said: 'Male and female He created them' (Genesis 5:2).

Without having succeeded in bringing both a son and a daughter into the world, the father has not managed to fulfill this commandment as required (of course, the intention here is to strive as best as possible, as Hashem is the one who determines the nature of our children). Hence, a person who has only sons should pray and beseech Hashem to have daughters as well.

Additionally, there were Rabbis who preferred having daughters over sons. Rav Chisda, the great sage of the generation, used to say that daughters were more important to him than sons, in his words: "Rav Chisda said, to me daughters are better than sons" (Bava Batra 141a).

Even naturally, it seems that the psychological nature of the world is such that a woman primarily wishes for and takes pleasure in sons, and a father desires and enjoys his daughters primarily. Therefore, it is mothers who tend to protect their sons, and fathers who tend to protect their daughters. It seems that Hashem created the world in this way so that both sons and daughters would receive warmth and love from their parents.

Still, there are certain reasons why we pray first for a son before asking for a daughter, and they are:

1. Sons are obligated to fulfill the 613 commandments and study Torah, and we wish to increase the Torah in the world as quickly as possible.

2. It is commonly perceived that sons continue the family lineage of their parents more than daughters do; men carry the family name, and often determine the family's character and culture. While women tend to join and follow the will of their husbands (as evidenced in commandments, where a woman follows her husband).

3. It is the way of the world that it is harder to find a match for a daughter than for a son; she requires more care and protection, and parents always tend to worry more about their daughters, hence the demands for daughters are greater.

Of course, there are many daughters who are more righteous than many sons, who know how to care for and support their household, and who bring delight to their parents more than many sons. There are very wise and responsible women, and there are women who have built with their own hands a glorious Torah household. There are women Rabbis who increase Torah in Israel, directly and indirectly, and merit to increase holiness and peace in the world.

However, in this matter, the prayer follows the majority, and because in most cases the way of the world is as noted, the custom is to pray first and foremost for sons. Still, we have learned that there is a uniqueness in Jewish law, which requires bringing daughters into the world—therefore every father and mother rejoice in fulfilling this commandment by bringing daughters into the world, which is a commandment from the Torah, and only through it is the will of the Creator fulfilled in its entirety. We can find non-Jewish parents who are distressed and angry when a daughter arrives in the world, but Jewish parents see it as a great commandment and rejoice in their daughters.