Why Do I Suffer Despite Keeping the Mitzvot? A Jewish Perspective on Pain, Faith, and Purpose

Naomi asks: "Hello Rabbi, I’m in my thirties, still single, and I don’t understand the purpose of all the suffering I’ve experienced, from the day I was born until today. I keep Shabbat and mitzvot, but I’ve been through so many hardships, and I don’t know when they’ll end. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve stopped praying, and even stopped believing..."

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Dear Naomi

My heart goes out to you. The pain you’ve described reflects a sensitive soul that has experienced a great deal of suffering, and still continues to endure it. It’s truly painful to hear. But please, don’t lose your faith, because it is the one real, unshakable truth you still have.

Hold onto the belief that G-d loves you and wants what is best for you. Right now, He is like a surgeon performing a procedure that hurts deeply. You don’t yet know what it’s meant to heal, but you must try to trust Him, because He is your Father and wants your eternal good.

This world can feel dark, full of trials and confusion, but it is precisely through these difficulties that we build our inner, divine soul. Yes, it’s hard, and it hurts. But only in a world that is hard and painful can true spiritual greatness be achieved. It’s from that pain that souls rise to the highest places in the World to Come.

This world was designed to be one of spiritual concealment and challenge. It’s intended to be difficult, because G-d is raising spiritual heroes for the next world.

Your sacrifice and dedication, even when it’s hard, and even when the world feels deceptive and confusing, is what makes you a heroine. This builds your World to Come. Don’t give up and don’t allow the inner voice of despair defeat you.

When we eventually reach the World to Come, we’ll look back and see this entire life as a fleeting dream, and all the suffering will seem small in comparison. There will be no physical bodies, no material things, no families as we know them now—only our souls and the goodness we created through our choices. What will remain is how much we believed, and how strongly we held on, despite the pain. Our sages promise that one day we will look back at everything—even what we don’t understand—and say, “It was all for the good.”

Please, don’t despair. Indeed, you’ve been given very difficult tests, but that also means that you were given an incredibly great soul. As the Talmud says: “The greater the person, the greater their challenges” (Sukkah 52). You have a big heart and a powerful soul, and even if you’re in a dark season now, it will pass.

Don’t give up on G-d. Trust Him with all your heart, like the righteous who gave their lives to sanctify His name. G-d sees your heart and He knows everything you feel and everything you go through. You may not understand Him, but He understands you. And that’s enough to trust Him.

Don’t give up on prayer. G-d hears every single word. Even if the answer is “not yet”, all your prayers are being stored as spiritual merit for this world and the next.

I encourage you to continue meeting potential matches, but without becoming overly emotionally invested in every single meeting. Avoid building up unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment. Seek guidance from rabbis, rebbetzins, trusted friends, or professionals about how you can improve your situation in practical, healthy ways.

Most importantly, don’t look down on yourself—neither your outer self nor your inner self. People who project confidence attract love. Try to invest in yourself and grow. Love yourself as you are, without feeling “broken” or “unworthy.” The more you learn to love yourself, the more likely you are, G-d willing, to find someone who will love you too.

Sometimes G-d delays a match because He wants us to grow emotionally and spiritually first, so that when the relationship presents itself, we’ll be strong and whole enough to build something lasting, and to raise strong children in turn.

Above all, never lose hope. Keep believing and trusting in G-d with all your heart. He is leading you and He knows exactly where you are and where you’re going. Follow Him, because you love Him and trust Him. You have a beautiful, expansive soul, and G-d has not forgotten you for even a second.

To strengthen yourself, I highly recommend watching Torah classes regularly- even just one lecture a day can do wonders for the soul. Torah learning and ethical teachings are like recharging emotional batteries. Try to find a women’s Torah class near you and make it a weekly routine. You’ll draw strength and clarity from it.

G-d willing, this period of darkness you’re going through will soon come to an end, and you’ll merit to see joy and light in your life.