"They Told Me 'You Have a Monster in Your Belly,' So I Scheduled an Abortion"

Chen was in the fifth month of her pregnancy when she began hearing about the dire condition of the baby in her womb. "You have a monster in your belly," they told her, no less. "I heard very harsh descriptions about my daughter, and then I made a deal with Hashem. I told Him, 'You want me to believe in You? Give me a healthy child,'" she recalls those heart-wrenching moments. But then another challenge came, and faith alone - based on salvation - was no longer enough. "My third son was born sick, and it was there that I discovered a different kind of faith, one that arises precisely from moments of crisis."

Head Against Head

It all started during the first pregnancy's detailed scan. "In that examination, it was revealed that my daughter had deficiencies in her brain," Chen begins. "We were sent for another test, which also showed a bulge in her brain. Doctors explained that all these defects indicated the potential for epilepsy, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, and blindness. After hearing that, we understood we needed to consult with expert doctors. We went to four world-renowned specialists, and from each, we heard even worse things. The last specialist showed us a perfectly clear ultrasound of her face, and in it, we saw that she also had no nose."

The severity of the situation led the doctors to one solution only. "Everyone recommended I have an abortion. They showed me shocking pictures of children born in such conditions and explained that I couldn't enter into such immense difficulty. Social workers also got involved, calling and encouraging me to take that step. After all the tests, I reached the eighth month, with a big baby in my belly, and everyone telling me she was a monster."

What did you feel during those days?

"A terrible feeling. Generally, in a first pregnancy, as your belly grows, so do the expectations and excitement. And here - I just wanted to disappear. I felt uncomfortable wearing nice maternity clothes; I didn't dare to ask my mom to make me something yummy, just because I felt like it."

The first turning point came with a suggestion from family members. "We are not a religious family, but my husband's brothers are. They asked us to bring the story to Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky zt"l. Usually, the Rabbi would say to those who came to him, 'Blessings and success,' but when my husband approached him, he said two words: 'Healthy and whole.' Our relatives declared that if this was what the Rabbi said, that would be the outcome, but I didn't know how great the Rabbi was and how meaningful every word that came from his mouth was. The fears within me wouldn't let me rest, and the pressure from everyone around added fuel to the fire. Everyone told me - 'You're in your first pregnancy, why do you need this?'"

On the other hand, there were different conversations as well. "My father's wife, an extraordinary woman, told me - if you bring her into the world, I'll start wearing a full head covering as a mitzvah over the head to counterbalance all the terrible things they said about my daughter's head," Chen remembers. "I told her - why do you need this? Though I took upon myself a few things - keeping Shabbat, purity, and lighting candles, what did she have to do with it? But she didn't give up and urged me not to give up on the child, especially after the unusual blessing we received from Rabbi Kanievsky. Today, by the way, she is fully observant. The head covering was just the starting shot for her."

Still, in the end, the couple broke down and scheduled an appointment for an abortion. "The night before the abortion was particularly terrible," Chen describes. "We sat and cried, my husband and I, not understanding how it was possible to kill a child that was about to be born any moment. In the morning of the abortion, I made a decision. We are not doing this and will welcome our child with open arms. It was clear to me it wasn't going to be easy, I understood our lives were going to change. But killing her wasn't an option."

The day of delivery came, and with it increasing tension. "We performed a redemption of the soul, entered the delivery room with many blessings and charms. In those moments, I promised Hashem that I would follow him in full faith if only He would give me a healthy child. Many doctors came to the delivery, and then she came out - a child whom photos clearly show brain deficiencies - and yet she is healthy and whole. A clear miracle that no one can explain."

Did you believe what you were seeing with your eyes?

"It took me time. In the first week, I still didn't dare approach her, it was clear to me that I had given birth to a monster, and despite the initial tests being fine, I understood you don't know everything right away. For a long time afterward, I functioned on autopilot, didn't dare bond with her, inside I was filled with anxiety about what we might discover later. Only with time did I manage to connect with her and truly love her. Today, she brings me the greatest joy, a special child of prayers, who attends a religious school and even demands us to observe more. She is 5, still undergoing many tests, and in all of them, thank Hashem, the results are normal."

Do You Still Believe?

But the story didn't end there. "When I was pregnant with my third child, the nuchal scan showed a 1 in 12 risk of Down syndrome. I knew there was a possibility, but after choosing not to terminate a child who was supposed to be in a severe condition, it was clear to me that I would never opt for an abortion again. So I chose not to continue with tests, and in some place, I even forgot about it. You could say our older daughter saved the younger one because if it hadn't been for her story, we might have investigated the matter thoroughly and who knows what we would have chosen. It needs to be understood, nowadays almost only women who observe the mitzvot give birth to children with Down syndrome. All the others, unfortunately, choose to give them up."

However, this time, the situation was different. "Two hours after birth, they informed us that our son has Down syndrome and a heart defect. The feeling was very difficult; I cried for two long weeks as if in mourning. Still, just before being released from the hospital, I said to Hashem, "I accept this child as he is, just give me mental health to return to normal life and raise him."

Did you ask Hashem - why me?

"I didn't ask, but I felt that He probably wants a little more from me. I understood that Hashem is testing me if I still believe in Him. When I made a pact with Him that I would believe in Him if He gave me a healthy daughter, it was nice. But now - when I got a sick child, I felt He was asking me - Do you still believe in Me? You promised not to question Me - are you truly ready for this?

What is your answer to that?<\/strong><\/p>

"The answer is that I feel my faith in Him has strengthened many times over. Almost because of this trial, I learned to release control, I understood that I'm not managing things here. I learned to see how everything that happens to me is for the best, and how I have the strength to face the challenges Hashem brings. We received a sick child, underwent open heart surgery with him, and to this day he goes through various tests and hospitalizations. In general - Down syndrome requires a lot of learning and demands many changes in life. Still - I function. I never thought I had such inner strength, that I could, I am sure I reached this only because of the unique path that Hashem has paved for me."

Jews, Revenge!!! They wanted to destroy us, we will build the next generation.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>

It's time for you to partner in saving babies and join the EMA department. Donate and save new lives, especially now!<\/strong><\/p>

Call: 073-2221212, or <\/span><\/strong>click here<\/span><\/strong><\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/p>