"I Prayed and Cried to Hashem for a Sign, and Suddenly It Happened All at Once"

It was just over fifteen years ago. Adam Katz lived in Vienna with relatives, in the southernmost neighborhood of the city, near a stream that flows eastward. After an extraordinary spiritual ascent lasting several months during an uplifting adventure where he felt deeply connected with his soul to Hashem, a catastrophic spiritual fall followed. He felt shattered.

He struggled to get up for work in the mornings and stayed closed in his room most of the day, spending time reading the Chumash and other holy books. Adam was searching for truth, something within him yearned to find the right path, but the world around him seemed so distant from that. "I was born and raised in the country, in a liberal education," he notes, "I never had even the slightest connection to Judaism. But at the age of 24, when I arrived in Vienna with my relatives to create music and perform as part of a band, the realization struck me that the Creator of the world is the one who gave the Torah to His people Israel, and what's incumbent upon me is simply to find Him there, in Judaism."

In the Darkness, by the Stream

More than fifteen years have passed since the beginning of his strengthening, and Adam is excited when he notes that this sense of wonder does not stop for a moment. "I feel Hashem with me every day," he says.

Another moment of silence, and he returns to those early days: "As a musician, I moved to Vienna for my musical training and to serve as a drummer in a band. In between, I worked in hospitality. Until then, I had many mechanisms and barriers against Judaism. But suddenly, just when I was far from home, signs started coming one after the other. I had all kinds of insights, and things started happening that made it impossible for me to stop my constant search for the Creator. I went through very significant spiritual experiences until it became clear to me that I had to find the Creator in Judaism."

After a period of uncontrollable ascent and unprecedented spiritual insights, out of love and goodwill, a great crisis suddenly occurred. "I had no strength to get up for work, I isolated myself in my room for hours and was engrossed in thoughts about Hashem, feeling depressed for not experiencing His closeness as before. One evening, my cousin, who was also my partner, came into my room and gave me an ultimatum: 'If you don't come to work with us, you'll have to leave the house.' It hurt me a lot, so I simply got up and left."

What happened next, Adam describes like an unclear dream, but very real: "I walked by the stream, in complete darkness, and cried to the Creator to show me some sign. I felt that nothing in the world mattered anymore, everything was trivial, and my only desire was for the Creator. Until I received a tangible sign from Him, I would not stop walking and seeking Him. Thus, I walked for several hours outside the city alone in nature until I reached a place where there was complete darkness around me, and the path had already moved away from the stream. Suddenly, I smelled a very strong scent of flowers. It was so powerful that I thought it was perfume. I stopped and turned around completely to see where the scent was coming from, then to my amazement, I discovered about 15 meters away, in the middle of the path, a sort of glowing stick pointing to the edges of the path. It was luminescent, in a beautiful white color, illuminating the surrounding darkness."

(Photo: shutterstock)

Adam froze in place, feeling every hair on his body stand up in fear. "I couldn't move, not even blink," he recalls, "even now, when I remember it, my blood pressure rises with excitement. After about 30 seconds, the stick suddenly disappeared. I remained rooted in my spot for another two minutes until I could move. Then I approached the place where the stick had been, but there was nothing there. I looked around and returned to the stream area, still frightened, and started heading back. Only then did it suddenly dawn on me that the Creator had answered my pleas and showed me a sign, just as I had asked."

To this day, Adam does not know exactly how to explain what happened there. "But one thing is clear to me – from that moment, the fear and mental depression left me, and I was filled with great joy. I returned to the apartment where we lived and felt like a different person. Even my relatives didn't understand what had happened to me, but I continued the process of coming closer with immense joy, feeling that I was doing the right thing."

Seeking Spirituality

Adam's spiritual life changed, but outwardly there was almost no apparent change. "I continued to live in Vienna and work in hospitality, and I also advanced in the music world, but I wasn't satisfied at all with what I was doing. Although I performed with my relatives and another group of musicians, I didn't like the music I played. It was tainted with politics and lacked spiritual content. I wasn't content at all, feeling that there was no meaning to everything I was doing, and no meaning to the life I was living, because the only thing I wanted was Hashem, and if I wasn't with Him, then what was I looking for?"

Did you think about returning to Israel?

"I didn't think anything specific. I just felt that I wanted Hashem, and that was it. I didn't know if it was here or there, in Israel or abroad; the main thing was that He would show me the way so that I would know what to do. Meanwhile, I listened to Torah lectures in my spare time, especially the lectures of Rabbi Zamir Cohen, which strengthened me a lot. But I was still in the exploration phase, praying every day to the Creator and asking Him to enlighten my path. The special enlightenment I experienced when I went to the stream finally tipped the scales. I felt that the Creator truly sent me a sign, and I felt as if He wanted to signal to me that I had completed my time in Vienna and that it was time to return to Israel."

For those who think that this was the big jump, Adam notes that things progressed much slower than expected. "Although I moved to live in Israel, there were several times when I returned abroad and felt great confusion." However, Adam already understood that knowing that the Creator is also the one who gives the Torah to His people Israel requires practical steps as well.

"I went to the computer and typed into Google: 'What is tefillin?' The first lecture that came up on the subject was by Rabbi Zamir Cohen. It is one of his famous lectures where he explains the significance of this important mitzvah, and as a result, I decided that I wanted to lay tefillin. The interesting part of this story is that I didn't even own tefillin, so it remained just a wish. One day, I saw there was an open raffle, and the prize was a pair of deluxe tefillin. I decided to participate, and with divine assistance, I won the raffle."

At that time, Adam returned to Israel and began studying at Machon Meir, and simultaneously, he started observing Shabbat for the first time. "The main challenge with observing Shabbat was because of smoking," he notes. "It was one of the biggest obstacles. I didn't believe I could survive an entire Shabbat without smoking, and I had a real internal struggle about it. But the more I strengthened myself, the more I realized there was no choice, and Shabbat had to be observed according to halacha. I decided to try. I remember the first Shabbat when I took the plunge. It was difficult. All Shabbat, I went for long walks around the moshav to try to distract myself from the thought of smoking. Eventually, I succeeded, and the joy was so great, combined with self-esteem I hadn't felt in a long time. These feelings gave me the strength to continue again and again."

How did your family react to the changes you underwent?

"Initially, they were completely against the idea. They didn't understand me, and even when I tried to explain it to them, they weren't really interested in what I thought. But as time passed, they saw the positive change in me, and they rejoiced in me and my new path."

Hashem Always Listens

Adam met his wife before he went through the entire process, but thanks to his spiritual strengthening, she also strengthened a lot. During the time he studied at Machon Meir, she studied at a seminary in Jerusalem. About a year and a half later, when they were both deep in their path of repentance, they decided to get married and moved to Safed for ten years. Recently, they moved to Gush Etzion. "Blessed be Hashem, we have three wonderful children, and we try to live meaningful lives together, full of thought and connection with Hashem guiding us every moment."

And a word about music is unavoidable. "At first, I left all my musical activities," he notes. "I felt I was not connected to the style I played and couldn't connect to that work anymore. At the same time, I discovered the world of piyyutim, and to this day, I enjoy listening, singing, and delighting in singing piyyutim on Shabbat and holidays. But I left all the rest aside. During those days, I started learning in a yeshiva and felt that I wanted to disconnect and devote myself entirely to studying. It was only recently, after more than ten years of musical silence, that I started to return and engage in the world of music again.

"When I reflect on the process I went through, my message is one – a person who wants to connect with the Creator needs to truly desire Hashem and work on the relationship with Him daily. Once you genuinely want it from the depths of the heart, you can indeed find Him and feel His providence. It's essential to remember that even if you're in the lowest spiritual place, the call to Hashem from there is the deepest and most real, as the poet says, 'Out of the depths, I call to You, Hashem.' Once you feel Hashem close to you, then the way becomes as clear as a bright stick illuminating the darkness."