"Honoring Parents: A Mitzvah Between People or Between Us and God?"

"Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12) is one of the greatest commandments in the Torah. It's called "one of the most serious" because honoring parents is seen as honoring Hashem Himself — after all, Hashem, father, and mother are partners in bringing a person into the world.

Along with honoring our parents, the Torah also commands us to respect them, as it says: "Every person shall fear his mother and his father" (Leviticus 19:3).
There’s a difference between these two commandments:

• Respecting parents means not doing certain things, like not sitting in their seat, not contradicting them, and not making decisions against their wishes.

• Honoring parents means actively helping them — giving them food and drink, helping them dress, and assisting them in getting around.

If someone neglects honoring their parents, they are seen as ignoring a positive commandment, and the consequences are serious. Our Sages taught that if you honor your parents, your days will be lengthened — but if not, God forbid, your days could be shortened.
Even speaking disrespectfully to a parent — even just hinting — is considered very serious, and the Torah says, "Cursed is one who dishonors his father and mother" (Deuteronomy 27:16).
The Jewish court can even step in to discipline someone who seriously disrespects their parents.

A Reward in This World and the Next
Honoring parents is one of the few mitzvot where the Torah promises reward both in this world and the World to Come. Still, it's important to know: while nobody is forced to honor their parents, by neglecting this mitzvah, a person misses out on its great blessings.
If someone simply fails to honor their parents, they lose the reward — but if they actively dishonor them, the court may intervene to correct them.

Is Honoring Parents Between Man and Man — or Between Man and Hashem?
Some say honoring parents is like repaying a huge debt — a mitzvah between people, because our parents gave us life. That’s why Yom Kippur can’t erase disrespect toward parents unless a person first asks for their forgiveness.
Others say honoring parents is mainly between a person and Hashem. In truth, both ideas hold deep meaning.

What Honoring Parents Really Looks Like

There are two sides to honoring parents:

1. Taking care of their needs — like bringing them food and drink, helping them dress, and assisting them in walking and moving around.

2. Showing them respect — like standing up when they enter the room, speaking to them with kindness, and making them feel loved and important.

It’s best when a child personally helps their parents — not just sending someone else to do it — because the mitzvah is even greater when done directly.
If parents are elderly and need help getting around, it’s a mitzvah to support them and make sure they live comfortably.
Another part of honoring parents is greeting them warmly, smiling at them, and doing what they ask without delay. Sons and daughters should stand up for their parents, which shows them honor.

We must avoid embarrassing them or causing them any distress. Making our parents happy through our words and actions is the heart of this mitzvah.
For example, waking a parent from sleep would normally be forbidden because it causes distress — but if it’s to help them seize a valuable business opportunity they would otherwise miss, then waking them would be the right thing to do.

In every situation, the goal is clear: to bring joy to our parents and to honor them with all our heart.