Chani Yaakov: "I Felt My Soul Leaving My Body, Like a Baby Being Born, But in Reverse"

"Until about a year ago, my life was completely ordinary," says Chani Yaakov (40). "I functioned as a married woman, worked, was a mother to four children, lived day-to-day and tried to live it in the best way possible."

Now, in retrospect, she notes that for many months she walked around with a heavy feeling, with difficult questions about the world and her role in it. "I felt unhappy with myself, and even more so - that I wasn't fulfilling my true role. Seemingly, I was the successful Chani, the one with the clean house and talented children, a good job, and a circle of friends, but inside I was a completely different Chani, full of questions and doubts. Maybe it was related to the midlife crisis, maybe there were other reasons, but these feelings wouldn't let me go. I wasn't satisfied with myself and my life. It's possible those feelings eventually led me to experience a severe flu, which then led to my near-death experience, the memories of which haven't left me to this day."

(Photo: Shutterstock)

"I Felt My Body Disconnecting"

It was last year, on Shabbat of the Parsha Vayechi. Chani had been suffering from a severe flu for several days and could barely sit at the Shabbat table with her husband and children. "After the meal," she recounts, "the children left the house, each to their friends and gatherings. It was truly *siyata d'shamaya* that they weren't home during those hours because I wouldn't have wanted them to see me in the state I was in. I felt awful, barely able to hold myself up. Something wasn't right with my body, and I had to lie down. I felt like I was going to die. I dragged myself to the bedroom, with my husband accompanying me. I lay in bed, and my body shook like a wildly shaking washing machine. I struggled for each and every breath, with all my strength, unable to speak. At some point, I couldn't fight any longer and gave in. I remember looking into my husband's eyes at that moment, and it was the saddest moment of my life because I understood I was saying goodbye to the world and that we would never meet again."

Chani pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. She remembers the following moments vividly and chillingly: "I felt my soul leaving my body, it was a feeling very similar to a baby being born, only exactly the opposite, as the soul didn't come into the world but left it. From that moment, I was no longer in the room, but rather reached a white, glowing tunnel, like a long shofar. I understood all the time that at the end of the tunnel there was something, but I didn't know what. My soul seemed to float in the tunnel, which was flooded with brilliant light."

Did you understand what was happening to you at that moment?

"I understood I was no longer in this world. It was clear to me that I was on the way to the afterlife. What's interesting is that before this event, I was never interested in phenomena related to near-death experiences. I was a grounded and practical person; it wasn’t a field that interested me at all. But after what happened, I happened to read descriptions from people who experienced similar things and suddenly came across images so similar to what I saw. They also talked about the same tunnel and the brilliant light. It proved to me beyond any doubt that there is continuity in the world; there is life after death."

What did you feel while in that tunnel?

"It was the best I could ever feel," she recalls longingly, "It was pleasant and calm. The goodness, serenity, and peace that were there can't be described."

(Photo: Shutterstock)

"The Figures Shook Me and Shouted: 'Do You Want to Come Back?'"

Chani notes that after a few moments in the tunnel, three dark entities approached her. "They weren't humans, but undefined amorphous shapes. They were frightening, but I understood they weren't evil but wanted the best for me. These figures grabbed my soul and shook it vigorously, all while shouting: 'Do you want to come back?? Do you want to come back??' And I shouted back: 'Yes.' Then they continued and asked: 'Then promise us you'll be Chani?' And I replied: 'I promise.' Then suddenly, they released their grip on me, and just like in the game Tetris where shapes descend from above and fit into the right places, my soul began to settle back into my chest. I remember opening my eyes and seeing my husband pouring water on me and trying to shake me awake. I signaled to him that I was alive and couldn't believe myself that I had indeed come back."

Did your husband know what happened at that moment?

"My husband told me there was less than a second when I stopped breathing. He didn't know how to react, but very quickly, I woke up. It amazed me very much, because for me, it felt like a long time had passed."

And you didn’t later ask yourself if it could have been a hallucination, perhaps due to the high fever?

"I didn't ask, because it's clear to me beyond any doubt that it was real, it was so strong, powerful, and frightening. That entire night I couldn’t close my eyes because I was afraid it would happen to me again. I was truly afraid for my life. In the morning, when my husband wanted to go to the synagogue, I didn’t let him because I didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t understand what happened, and only then did I tell him what I had gone through. He went to pray anyway and quickly returned. Even now, when I think back on what happened to me, I shudder. These are things I never thought would happen to me."

(Photo: Shutterstock)

Seizing Life

Did you have a chance to talk to rabbis afterward and try to understand what you went through?

"Yes, I spoke with a rabbi we are very close to. He told me several wise things. First and foremost, he referred to the message I received about returning to authenticity, in the sense of returning to who I truly am. I told the rabbi that I felt there was a continuation at the end of the tunnel, but I didn’t reach it. The rabbi explained to me that likely at the end of the tunnel is the court of heaven, and it’s very likely that I didn’t reach there because no judgments are made on Friday night. He also showed me descriptions by the Baal Shem Tov and other sources that I connected with very deeply."

Do you feel you have changed after what you experienced?

"Definitely yes. First of all, many existential questions I had were resolved. Until then, I was a believer because my husband was, and that was the lifestyle we followed. Now, my faith comes from a much more internal and deep place. My change is less external and more profound and emotional.

"Additionally, until that day, I lived in a kind of internal struggle with myself, and since then, I’ve begun to live with a type of acceptance and appreciation. I began to understand that the simple actions I do in life are what truly matter before Hashem, and what is expected of me is essentially nothing special, just to be me."

Chani notes that until that day, she was engaged in personal coaching for children and youth. "I worked in it because it was my profession, but after what I experienced, I began to feel it’s not just a profession but a mission that helps me assist children, and sometimes their parents, to discover who they are. Although I continue to do exactly what I did before, now I have much more belief in the strengths and abilities of both myself and my clients."

Did you ask yourself why you were chosen for such a mission?

"The answer to that is clear to me – if heaven allowed me to experience what I went through and gave me this special gift, then surely they believe that I can create change in my own life and in the lives of others, and that’s what I'm meant to do here in the world. I think it's a message that should accompany all of us – to love who we are, just as we are, and not seek to be other people or develop in directions that aren't right for us. There are so many people who aren’t satisfied with who they are, they carry a lot of suffering, loneliness, and hardships. I call out to them – enough, love who you are, discover the light within you because there is so much light in each of us. We are children of a King, and we just need to be aware of that, that’s all."