Yael Assor: "After My Daughter Passed, It Was Clear I Would Not Cancel Her Bat Mitzvah Celebration"

It was about eight months ago. Yael Assor, the mother of Tzipora, a sweet and cheerful 11 and a half-year-old girl with cerebral palsy, came up with an especially creative idea. After all, her daughter was approaching the age of mitzvot, and what could be more fitting than organizing an unforgettable Bat Mitzvah party for her and her friends at the special 'Zohar HaLev' school in Ashdod?<\/p>

Yael, active and energetic, contacted the program coordinator at the school, who was very impressed with the idea. Together, they began to advance the plans to a practical stage, thinking about every detail and planning what to do to bring joy to the girls on their big day. "We shared the plans with Tzipora, and she was so happy," the mother notes. "Although she was ventilated and could not speak, we could see that she understood and was joyful." At that stage, Yael did not imagine that the party would indeed take place, but in a completely different format from what they had planned.<\/p>

The family with the late Tzipora

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"Not Canceling the Event"<\/u><\/strong><\/h3>

Two months after they started weaving the plans, the worst happened. On a clear day, without any warning, Tzipora passed away. "It was very sudden," says Yael, her mother. "She went to school that morning and even felt good. We never imagined such a thing could happen."<\/p>

That dark day is difficult for Yael to recount, but she notes one thing: "I remember at the funeral, in the midst of the great shock, I spoke with the school's coordinator, and she said to me: 'That's it, the Bat Mitzvah celebration is canceled, it won't happen.' But I insisted and told her: 'What do you mean? The party will take place exactly according to plan, and I will continue to help you organize it.'"<\/p>

The late Tzipora

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What made you think of this during the funeral?<\/strong><\/p>

"Tzipora, our sweet daughter, was completely dependent on care, it was hard for her to communicate and express herself, but from the moment we started talking about the Bat Mitzvah party, we saw a big smile on her face that just didn't fade. It was clear it made her happy. I knew that just as she was looking forward to the party, so were the other girls. It was clear to me that under no circumstances could we disappoint them. We had to continue, for them."<\/p>

This week on Monday, the touching Bat Mitzvah celebration took place, involving five Bat Mitzvah girls, all of whom are confined to wheelchairs, each with disabilities of varying degrees, yet all happy and ecstatic about the big event held especially in their honor.<\/p>

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Revital Mor Yosef, mother of Hodaya Sarah, one of the girls celebrating her Bat Mitzvah, shares excitedly: "We decided to hold the event exactly on Tzipora's birthday. The truth is, it was very difficult for us to move things forward when we knew all along that Tzipora, for whom everything was initially organized, would not be with us. During the preparations, I found myself tearing up repeatedly when remembering Tzipora. She was like my daughter, as she and Hodaya Sarah studied together since they were one year old and never parted. Tzipora's absence is felt every single day. Finally, I arrived at the party with a mix of many emotions—on one hand, I was happy that we managed to organize such a lavish, special evening, and I was also thrilled that my daughter was celebrating her Bat Mitzvah, but the happiness was not complete because I knew that my other daughter was not here to celebrate."<\/p>

Yael, Tzipora's mother, also recounts that she attended the event, of course, along with all her children, her husband, and her family. "Exactly in the composition we planned to come if everything had gone as expected," she says in a choked voice. "The truth is that from the moment I entered the hall, I was caught in a difficult whirlwind of emotions. I knew all the time that today is my daughter's real Bat Mitzvah day, and she is not here... I had to gather myself to smile and rejoice, to make the other girls happy who are, in essence, her friends, the figures that were closest to her."<\/p>

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How did the friends react when they heard that Tzipora passed away?<\/strong><\/p>

"I wasn't at the school when they were told, but I was told afterward that they were very sad and some cried. Most people who don't know these girls closely find it hard to understand because they seem outwardly as if they don't understand. But at the school, they do tremendous work with them and speak to them normally, as equals. They always make sure to consult with them before every action, like 'What color would you like to paint—red or yellow?' and ask: 'Show us, blink your eyes.' That's how they succeed in doing everything according to their desires. So, I wasn't surprised at all when I was told that Tzipora's friends cried so much when she passed away. It's clear they felt it."<\/p>

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Waiting for Mashiach<\/u><\/strong><\/h3>

About the event itself, Yael shares: "It was an amazing and particularly moving event. Ninety girls confined to wheelchairs or walkers arrived at the hall, some with ventilators or feeding devices. These are all the girls from the Bat Mitzvah section who are celebrating, and they came to be happy with them. A large part of the parents also attended, and the singer Hadar Levy came to conduct the challah separation and bring joy voluntarily."<\/p>

"We decided to hold the event exactly as Yael, Tzipora's mother, planned," adds Revital, "with everything: hall, music, balloons, a candy bar... For the last month and a half, we were really just focused on this. We raised funds from every possible place and tried to enlist good people to organize an unforgettable evening. In the end, there was a rich assortment of refreshments, and each of the Bat Mitzvah girls received a package of a prayer book for a Jewish girl, a designed mirror and comb, a luxury ring, and Tzipora's mother bought each one a necklace with her name engraved on it. There were also goody bags for all the schoolchildren, and charity boxes were distributed as souvenirs. There was a DJ who managed the event, encouraged everyone to dance, and gleefully entertained us, truly making it a Bat Mitzvah celebration. The most amazing thing is that Tzipora's mother helped us with all the arrangements, as if her daughter was also to celebrate."<\/p>

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Revital shares about her daughter: "Hodaya Sarah was really looking forward to the party, her excitement was indescribable. At the same time, it was clear she was having a hard time that Tzipora wouldn't come to the party. She was so attached to her, and it pained her greatly. They always traveled together on the transport, were in class together, and met in the afternoons as well. The day Tzipora passed away, she didn't need us to tell her about it; she overheard us talking and understood on her own. That night, she had trouble falling asleep, and I heard her repeatedly groaning from crying. At the event, she was indeed excited but also cried a lot. It was very hard for her with Tzipora's absence. I can also testify that I was deeply moved by the event. My daughter is a miracle; she was born with an Apgar score of zero, and it remained that way for twenty minutes. We were told there's no chance she'd survive beyond 72 hours, and now she's celebrating her Bat Mitzvah—how can we not be moved?"<\/p>

In hindsight, do you think it was right to hold the event in this manner?<\/strong><\/p>

Revital: "I think it was very right and precise. We celebrated with our own daughters, but we felt all along that Tzipora was with us too. Everyone who knew her said they felt she was a part of the evening. Personally, I felt that all the many merits and acts of kindness seen that evening were thanks to her. Because the arrangements were made in the best way and so supernaturally. Suddenly, at the last moment, someone donated bottles of drinks, a designer volunteered, and more and more people rallied to help. The feeling was that there was special divine assistance, far beyond the natural order."<\/p>

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Yael adds: "Our Tzipora left such a large void, and it meets us in everything daily. Precisely when I see Tzipora's friends happy and cheerful, it also gives us the strength to continue. When my children returned from the event, they talked repeatedly about how they are waiting for the coming of the Mashiach, because they want Tzipora to come back already. I think most of us have forgotten how to anticipate the Mashiach, but after someone so close to you passes, it teaches you how to wait for the Mashiach truly."<\/p>