I Have Everything in Life. I'm the Happiest Person. Until...

The education committee at the seminary deliberated seriously on the fate of a girl who was severely affected by adolescent turmoil. They debated whether the plant had already withered or if there was still a chance to straighten it. They concluded: she is negatively influencing others, thus falling into the category of endangering others. Just before the final decision, one of the educators banged on the table and said: I request to give her one last chance. But as a prerequisite, I ask to send her to the Rebbetzin Esther for a full day. I am sure that only one day with her will make the change.

On the day, the girl stood at the entrance of a busy house in Jerusalem. Facing her stood a middle-aged woman, managing a vast charity network across the city. The phone didn't stop ringing. Like a general, she issued orders to dozens who were under her command. This shipment needs to be sent to the orphanage, and that food should be sent to the old age home. Hours upon hours, tirelessly, she tended to thousands of needy, the less able, the elderly, and families with many children. A walking charity operation. It wasn’t until late afternoon that she managed to free herself to attend to the girl, sipping her first cup of coffee of the morning by midday.

Before she could even start to speak to the girl, the student turned to her: "I’ll tell you the truth, you're the most miserable woman I’ve ever met. Look at the time you're drinking your first cup of coffee. You don’t have a single moment to yourself all day!"

The charity worker looked at the girl with loving, kind eyes and said: "My dear, I understand your feelings. You didn’t come here to see half a picture. I need to fill in the missing pieces and tell you the story of my life…"

An Obstacle in the Race

"Until thirty, I was what they call in the street 'a model of envy,' the woman begins. "I lived in a luxurious mansion in a prestigious neighborhood. My husband was engaged in marketing to the US and made a lot of money. I had a lavish livelihood, luxury cars, vacations abroad - worldly pleasures of the highest order. I felt that no one was luckier than I. I have everything in life. I am the happiest person alive. Until...

"One morning I woke up with a headache, not paying much attention to it. For two weeks, I took painkillers every few hours, but the pain didn’t cease. I was almost angry with the headache, as if saying, 'Enough, stop messing around! Don't you understand you're preventing me from enjoying the world?!'

"After two weeks, I scheduled a CT scan of my head, but I forgot about it immediately after and didn’t even bother checking the results. I couldn’t imagine something could stop me from my mad race. One day the phone rang. On the line was Professor Geva. In a severe tone, he asked me to urgently come to the hospital with my husband. I asked him to postpone until tomorrow because I was busy shopping… I still didn’t understand what was happening! But he insisted. 'You come here, and now!' he commanded.

"Half an hour later, my husband and I sat in front of the doctor anxiously. 'I am not the bearer of good news', said the professor. 'The test results are very bad. A malignant, the most aggressive disease is attacking your brain. According to medical science, you have three weeks to live. If you ask me, be with your children as much as possible, so they'll remember their mother. I am not an observant Jew, but I believe in Hashem. Only prayer can help'.

"The world blackened for me. I felt like the ground swallowed me alive. That was it, everything was over! Gone! No husband, no children, only… oh! I shuddered at the thought itself - only a grave!

"We returned home. I was shattered and broken. I began to look at everything around me, with the feeling that soon I would be leaving it all. Now, facing imminent death, was the first time in my life I began to think about the meaning of life. Suddenly, I started to understand that until now, I had collected wind, nothing. I did nothing significant in my life! So, I traveled around the world, what did I gain from that?! Like a dream, it flew away! I have a luxurious home and car, what did I gain from that?! A grave! What legacy am I leaving my children?! What mark will be in their hearts from their mother?! I felt nausea at myself. How is it that this is the first time in my life I think about the meaning of life?! I was so absorbed in worldly desires, what mental dullness!"

For You, Living God!

The girl gazed at Mrs. Esther with wide eyes, drinking every word that came out of her mouth. Suddenly the whole picture changed. In her eyes, she displayed extraordinary admiration for the woman standing before her. Admiration and pity mixed together.

Mrs. Esther continued her personal story, warmly and lovingly holding the seminar girl's hand. "I asked my husband and children to leave me alone at home for a day. They hesitated at first, but I promised it would only end well. I realized that before I speak to Hashem, I must circumcise the foreskin of my heart; oh, how many layers of peel it had! Twenty-four hours almost without food and sleep, reading the Book of Psalms three times in tears, did their work. For the first time in my life, I felt the endless delight called 'But as for me, the nearness of Hashem is my good'.

"Then I went out to my balcony, gazed at the sky, and began to cry out from the depths of my heart. 'Father! Father! I understood what You want from me. Only now do I realize that in fact, I am not about to enter a grave, but actually, now coming out of it… I lived in a grave for thirty years without direction, without thought, without meaning. False life that was all about me, me, and me. I never thought of others. Even when I cared for my children, it was because it made my 'me' feel good, even when I donated money to others, it was to make myself feel good!'

"I looked towards the distant cemetery and in tears cried, 'Hashem, suppose in three weeks this happens. So, what then? Another tombstone will be in Jerusalem. Will this benefit anyone in the world?! Hashem, tell me, don't you have enough graves in Jerusalem?! What good would it be for Israel if under cold marble lies a young woman?! But Creator of the world, I promise if Jerusalem lacks one grave, I will make a world revolution! I will devote myself to others! I have already been in the graveyard of life! I got the message, and I promise to live a life full of meaning, a true life of giving and kindness, thinking of the other!'

"Just before I fainted, I managed to say, 'Hashem! I truly don’t deserve life anymore. I wasted all the credit. But for Your sake, Living God, let me live for others!"

A New Spirit

"I awoke from my faint, felt like a new spirit was added within me, new strength entering me. On the threshold stood my husband and children. I asked my husband to accompany me to the doctor. This time I started speaking: 'I request another head CT'. The doctor was stunned: 'Ma’am,' he turned to me, 'There is no way to do this. The insurance does not approve a CT twice a week'. 'I’ll pay, sir,' I replied. The doctor understood my heart and approved another test.

"The phone rings again, and again Professor Geva is on the line. 'I am asking you and your husband to come to me urgently, now'. We stood before him, his face bewildered, refusing to believe. The first time in his life he encountered such a phenomenon. 'Look folks, I have been in this field for forty years, and I have never seen anything like it. Two head CTs in one week, and it's as if they are from two different heads! One full of metastasis, G-d help us, and the other is clean as if nothing. Absolutely nothing! I keep both scans in my archive, to prove to the world there are things beyond nature. Know: I always believed in G-d, but this time I saw Him!' said the doctor".

Tears choked the girl's throat, her stormy spirit that wished to break free, replaced with a new spirit of life planted within her. Her desire to taste everything that seemed shiny and glamorous faded against a woman who returned from 'there' and despised worldly pleasures. Suddenly the glitter is revealed as a grave, and the glow appears as fleeting dust.

"My girl," Mrs. Esther addressed her, "I was in your place at your age. I thought I could swallow life, until I discovered the secret of life! Do you know how old I am? Twenty-five years old. I do not count the first thirty years I lived lies. For half a century, there has been no woman happier than me. True, I drank my morning coffee late, but do you know how many cups others drank this morning? Do you know how many thousands ate a nourishing meal? Do you know what pure pleasure is the feeling of *for Your sake, Living God*? Place on one scale all the deceitful joys of my first thirty years, and opposite them place the pleasure and satisfaction of one day of charity work for others - the latter outweighs!"

The girl returned to the seminary full of repentant thoughts; she did not learn about the meaning of life; she saw it. She was fortunate to meet a woman who returned from the world of truth. The girl bettered her ways and later married an important scholar.

Diamonds on the Floor

We heard this stirring story from Rabbi Dan Segal, who continued to cry out, "In these holy days, the month of mercy and forgiveness, if one truly desires life, if one wishes to be blessed, he and his household, with a year of life and health, good salvations, and good news, he is obliged to dedicate his 'self' to Hashem. If we take all the desires of our self and dedicate them to our Beloved, then certainly we will be worthy of our Beloved for us. Sacrificing the 'self' is not only in kindness and giving, it is in the daily thought of what I can do in the world for my Beloved, for the glory of Heaven!"

I remember from long ago, when I was a child, my master father mediated between a father and son who hadn't spoken for years. I will never forget the cries in our living room. The son clung to his father's neck with heartbreak.

More than a million children in Israel don't know what Sh'ma Yisrael is; their neighbors around them desecrate Shabbat. What have we done this year for the glory of Heaven? What have we done for the entirety of Israel? Do we know what it is to return a lost son to cling to our Father in Heaven?! Do we know what happens in the heavens when a son returns to his father?! The heavens weep!

Even if we study Torah, did we care that the neighbor also learns? Even if our son is in a yeshiva, what have we done to ensure that the neighbor's son is also there? Diamonds are scattered at our feet, and we are too lazy to pick them up! Sometimes with a simple conversation, with a little attention, we can restore the heart of fathers to children.

When they spoke of the righteous of previous generations, they sometimes praised a righteous person who managed to bring back one lost son. It was rare in the past. But today there is the possibility of returning many sons! What is the secret of our generation? Rabbi Shimshon Pincus, of blessed memory, compared it to a small worker below moving a weight of several tons hanging on a crane. How? When it’s on the crane, a small shift is enough. So it is with us. Hashem has granted our generation, the last generation for redemption, and pours a spirit of holiness upon us from above - and with a small direction, a smile, a single shift, we create the "And the heart of the children towards their fathers".

Each of us desires a good year in every good matter; there is no other way but to make one commitment *for Your sake - Living God*. Hashem, this year, we will devote ourselves more to others, to increase the glory of Heaven, to return the heart of children to their father. The self this year will be more for our Beloved, and with Hashem's help, our Beloved will be for us and all the house of Israel.