Opening Hearts and Kitchens: An Interview with Bat Galim Shaar

It has been only seven months since the tragic event that shook the foundations of the Shaar family home as well as all of Israel: the kidnapping and murder of the three teenagers Gil-Ad, Eyal, and Naftali, may their memories be a blessing.

Needless to say, those were unbearable seven months for the Shaar family, filled with many sleepless nights of longing, indescribable pain and sorrow, and above all, the understanding that nothing can turn back time. However, in honor of Gil-Ad's 17th birthday, which fell on the last Shabbat, the Shaar couple decided to take their pain a step further and confront it in a slightly different way, through a project called 'Gil-Ad's Kitchen.'

Gil-Ad Shaar

"We seek your help in spreading joy and love in Israel.
Please take the time this month to bake cakes, make delightful and recommended dishes, and share photos and recipes (to the group here on Facebook), for your favorite recipe. Then share the baked goods with neighbors, friends, and especially people you don't really know, and ask them to do the same - bake, share, and repeat, until we all have sweetness and warmth in our hearts.. With a blessing of togetherness, may we increase love in Israel! The Shaar family and friends."

This post was written on the Shaar family's Facebook wall just last Wednesday, but in my conversation with Bat Galim Shaar on Thursday, it turned out that more than 1,700 people have already joined the blessed initiative, and the number just keeps growing. And not just on Facebook, but on every possible platform, the people of Israel are joining the blessed project, continuing the idea of giving.

How did the idea come to you, and why did you choose to commemorate Gil-Ad in this way, through the kitchen?

"The idea was actually conceived by the 'Mishrukit' company, which specializes in internet and advertising, and we liked it primarily because the kitchen was Gil-Ad's official hobby, and it felt very appropriate to turn his hobby into a tribute in his honor. This is also where we'd like to thank Tomer Marshal for his great help in managing Gil-Ad's z"l Facebook page.

"The kitchen is a place that unites everyone and united us together with Gil-Ad. Today, when I think about it, I remember that indeed most of our 'social' gatherings were in the kitchen, when Gil-Ad 'experimented' with another interesting recipe he received. This hobby of Gil-Ad connected us, and that's what we are trying to do through the project - to increase the love of Israel through the dishes and pastries that people will prepare and share with others."

Gil-Ad's mousse cake

"I feared this day the most - but the people of Israel give so much strength"

But that's not all.

More and more connections between different people, warm responses, and even pictures of the dishes and pastries are being posted every hour on Bat Galim's Facebook. More and more people are joining 'Gil-Ad's Kitchen,' and when they cook and bake, they remember Gil-Ad. They do something for him. For themselves. For the people of Israel, who they are an integral part of.

What are the feelings that come up for you within this activity, or within other things you do in memory of Gil-Ad?

"I entered this month in a very difficult period. The realization that 'the boy is not with me' hit me so hard that I didn't know how to handle it. It's insane pain. For a long time, Ophir and I feared this day, Gil-Ad's birthday. But when this idea came up, it gave me so much strength and motivation, not to mention the moment we published the project and the enthusiasm just kept growing. Within a few hours of posting, I already changed my mind and told Ophir that this project turned this day from 'not wanting it to come' to eagerly anticipating it."

How do you cope with the immense difficulty of bereavement, and where do you draw the inner strength to endure?

"The difficulty is inevitable, and I imagine it's a situation that every bereaved parent experiences. How do you cope? You learn it day by day, hour by hour. I always say that there's no such thing as being strong in the face of death. It's too presumptuous to say you're strong when the trial is so difficult. On the other hand, there's something about bereavement that pulls you inward and can lead you into a very deep sadness, so you don't have many options: either you crash under that pain, dragging others along with you, or you hold on, scrape strength from nothing, and keep moving forward. There's no other way. So yes, there are days when I'm tired, and I have no strength to cope. But after those days, I gather all my strength and simply choose to move forward.

"Thank God, Hashem blessed us with five more daughters, Gil-Ad's z"l sisters, from whom we draw a lot of strength to continue. As parents, we naturally also want the best for them, to be the strong support every child needs and to raise them in joy, as much as possible.

"Besides this, it is clear to us that it was Hashem's will, that we had no part in it - and we accept the judgment with love. I'm not saying there aren't moments of crisis, there are many. But there's also a lot of divine assistance. We also draw a lot of strength from the people of Israel - their support, embrace, and care are continuous."

Gil-Ad Shaar's parents

What do you wish for yourself, in honor of Gil-Ad's birthday?

"As a family, I hope and pray that we can return to ourselves and live a life - I don't know if to call it normal - but life that is as close as possible to this definition. I want the girls to grow up in joy, develop, and receive everything they deserve.

"For us as a nation, I wish that we continue to do good without waiting, God forbid, for times of distress. The kitchen is something that unites everyone within it, and that's the beautiful thing about all this sharing. When you give someone dishes that you made with your own hands, you share your experience with them, and you pour into their heart the good that joins that experience." 

How do you think Gil-Ad would react if he were here, what would he feel about this if he were with us today?

"I think this idea would have made him very happy. I remember he would come on weekends – roll up his sleeves, and without hesitating, enter the kitchen. He would make special shakes, cakes, and cookies. It's amazing how he loved it. Today, this activity gives us a bit of him."