We Moved to Australia: Get Married or Strengthen Our Faith First?

Hello, First, I want to express my gratitude towards you. Without the Hidabroot channel and the iPhone app, we couldn’t maintain any connection to our roots and Judaism since we are on an isolated farm in Australia. Our question is quite complex: My name is Ayal. Briefly, I grew up in a traditionally observant family but did not observe Torah and commandments at all. At the age of 16, I strengthened my faith and quickly entered a yeshiva for returnees to Judaism in Jerusalem until I left at 18 and joined the army. Since then, I lost all connection to Judaism (even though in yeshiva I was diligent and studious and was sure my faith and observance would never be lost). I’m pretty sure this happened because I jumped very quickly from nothing to everything. Currently, my girlfriend and I are in Australia, and the experiences we are going through and contemplation of creation and the nature of our people compared to the non-Jews raise many questions, all with one answer - the truth of the Creator and His holy Torah. My girlfriend has no religious background, and our question is general. How do we return to complete and true repentance together? What steps should we take (get married and strengthen in commandments from there or perhaps strengthen and then marry?) At what pace should we begin the service of Hashem without losing the goal and the way? It's important for me to note that we have no interest in a "half measure" in the service of Hashem; we want it to be complete and true, but fear that maybe haste is our evil inclination. Thank you in advance for your time. You serve as our rabbi and guide in a distant land.

Hello and blessings,

Your story is moving and very flattering to us.

Without a doubt, you need to progress step by step, not in big leaps, as they say, "slowly but surely." Already now, you should accept upon yourself to fully observe Torah and commandments at the end of the path, as you mentioned in your question, but in practice, observe the Torah and commandments in stages. Rabbeinu Yonah wrote in Shaarei Teshuva, that in such a way of repentance, from now on it is considered that you have fully observed Torah and commandments.

First of all, you should start by observing Shabbat, food kosher laws, family purity. Yom Kippur fasting, avoiding chametz on Passover (if this whole package is hard for the first stage, observe things in stages, and gradually add more and more). When you see that you are already strong in this, and sure of it, go up a level: prayer, tefillin, blessings, etc.

In my humble opinion, it is advisable for you (you and your girlfriend) to start strengthening together, and after several months when you see that your strength in faith is equal, and there are no significant differences between you in matters of religion - get married.

Best of luck,
Menachem Ben Porat