The Power of Saying “Thank You” in Shidduchim

A dear friend of mine, who’s been in the shidduch world (the process of finding a marriage match) for several years, recently called me in tears. She shared how hard it’s been—not just the waiting, but the silence. “It’s been so long since anyone suggested a match,” she said. “I’m starting to miss even the ones that clearly weren’t for me.”

She said it with a touch of humor, but the pain in her voice was real. I could feel how heavy this long stretch without any proposals had been for her.

I asked if she had tried reaching out, maybe asking around or trying to get things moving. She said she had. A while back, she’d made efforts, even contacted people—but nothing came of it. And now, it had been over a year without a single date.

I thought hard about how to encourage her. And then, like a little light turning on, a thought came to me. “Gratitude,” I said. “Try just that. Say thank you. Not only for the good things—but even for what hasn’t worked out.”

She was quiet, so I continued. “Say thank you for not having proposals. Say thank you that you’re not married yet. Thank Hashem even for the disappointing matches you’ve had before. Really try to mean it. Let yourself rest in gratitude for what is, even if it’s not what you want right now.”

And she took that to heart.

Over the next few days, she put aside her worry and focused on giving thanks—with real emotion. She didn’t force herself to be happy about her situation, but she found strength in thanking Hashem anyway. For the quiet. For the waiting. Even for the hurt.

And then—it happened.

One day, out of nowhere, three shidduch proposals came in. All serious. All worth considering. The “shidduch drought” that had lasted over a year ended in a single day.

She called me later, beaming. “I’m sharing this with everyone I know,” she said, full of joy. “It’s unbelievable. Gratitude didn’t just help me feel better—it changed my whole situation. I’m thanking Hashem not only for the matches, but for showing me the power of saying thank You.”

This isn’t a “magic trick.” Gratitude doesn’t guarantee instant results. But when we take a deep breath and thank Hashem—even in the middle of the unknown—something in us softens. We open space for new things to come in. And sometimes, that shift opens gates in Heaven, too.

Whether you're deep in the shidduch process or waiting for something else in life—health, livelihood, clarity, children, peace—maybe this story can be your spark. Try saying thank you, even when it's hard. Especially when it’s hard. Gratitude doesn’t erase the struggle, but it transforms how we carry it—and sometimes, it leads to beautiful surprises.