Gratitude in Action: How Torah Leaders Taught Us to Appreciate

In the book Fathers on Sons about Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), we find three beautiful stories showing how deeply Torah sages lived the value of gratitude.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, one of the greatest halachic (Jewish law) authorities of the previous generation and a leading figure in Orthodox Judaism in America, once went to meet a wealthy donor. The meeting was held on the fourth floor of a building without an elevator. Rabbi Feinstein was already over 85 years old, yet he slowly climbed the stairs on foot.

After the meeting ended, he carefully made his way down the stairs and approached the car that was waiting to take him home. But just as he was about to enter, he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He stood silently for a moment, then turned and began walking back toward the building.

Two of his students who were with him hurried to ask, “Did the Rabbi forget something?”

“Yes,” he said, “I need to go back up.”

“Please, Rabbi, don’t trouble yourself!” they pleaded. “We’ll go up and get it for you!”

But Rabbi Moshe refused. “This is my responsibility…” he said, and began climbing the stairs again.

What would make an 85-year-old man go back up four flights of stairs he had just come down? What could make him refuse help and push himself so hard?

The students joined him as he slowly made his way up again, breathing heavily and pausing to rest between floors. When they finally reached the fourth floor, Rabbi Feinstein walked into the donor’s office. The man stood up, surprised. Had something happened since their meeting?

Rabbi Moshe looked at him and said, “I forgot to thank you for the cup of tea you gave me. I came to say thank you. The tea was excellent.”

The students were stunned. After a moment of surprise, they asked, "Rabbi, couldn’t we have said thank you for you?”

“I could have,” he answered simply, “but who drank the tea—me or you? I drank it. So I’m the one who needs to say thank you.”

This is how a true Torah leader lives. This is what real gratitude looks like—not just talking about it, but truly feeling it in your heart. So much so, that even something as small as a cup of tea calls for a personal thank you, no matter how hard it is to say it in person.

“Your bar mitzvah invitation inspired me to do teshuvah”

Rabbi Feinstein’s teacher, Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer, also showed incredible sensitivity to gratitude. By the time he was elderly, he rarely left his home. But once, at a bar mitzvah celebration for a young boy, soft whispers filled the air “Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer is here! He’s climbing the stairs to the hall!” People could hardly believe it. Could it really be him?

The father of the bar mitzvah boy ran to greet him, completely overwhelmed. Great rabbis and scholars didn’t always receive such honor—what had he done to deserve it?

Rabbi Meltzer slowly entered the hall, sat down to rest, shook the hands of the boy and his father, and gave them his Torah book, Even Ha’ezel, as a gift. Then he stood to leave. But before going, he turned to the father and said: “I came because I have a deep feeling of gratitude to you and to your son.”

“Gratitude?” the man asked, shocked. “Did I ever do something for the Rabbi?”

“Yes,” replied Rabbi Meltzer. “I’ve known you for many years. When I received your invitation, I thought, ‘Is this child already thirteen? Wasn’t it just yesterday that he had his brit milah (circumcision)?’ At that moment I realized how quickly time passes. I began to reflect on my own life and think about doing teshuvah (repentance). I thought, ‘If I don’t accomplish what I’m meant to in this world, what will become of me?’ So you see, thanks to your bar mitzvah invitation, you inspired me to do teshuvah. And I didn’t want to leave this world without repaying that debt of gratitude. That’s why I came—with my book as a gift.”

What a beautiful sense of awareness—such deep sensitivity to something so small, most of us wouldn’t even think twice about it!

And what about us? Too often, we feel others owe us. If someone doesn’t do what we expect, we get upset—how could they not understand they owe us? We forget the many times they helped us before, and instead focus only on the one time they didn’t.

“If he brings it, I owe one person—not two”

Once, Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein, the spiritual guide of the Ponevezh Yeshiva, was sitting on the yeshiva’s balcony learning Torah. At some point, he turned to a student and asked him to go find a certain young man.

The student searched, but couldn’t find him. He returned and said, “I couldn’t find him, but I’ll be happy to do whatever the Rabbi needs.”

“I just wanted him to bring me my coat,” Rabbi Levenstein said. “When he comes, tell him to bring it.”

“But if you need it now,” the student offered, “I’ll bring it right away.”

“No, no,” the Rabbi insisted. “Let him bring it.”

Seeing the confused look on the student’s face, Rabbi Levenstein gently explained: “Your friend already did me two favors. If he brings the coat, that’ll be a third, but at least it’s all owed to the same person. If you bring the coat, now I’ll owe two people! And at my age, it’s harder to keep track—and I don’t want to leave this world without repaying favors.”

What a heart. What an example of care, of appreciation, and of humility.

The Mishnah in Pirkei Avot teaches: “What is a bad path that one should avoid? One who borrows and does not repay.” (Avot 2:9) It’s not just about money. A person who accepts kindness but doesn’t repay it—even with gratitude—is ignoring the good that was done for them. That lack of appreciation, the Sages teach, is enough to make someone be called wicked.

Sadly, this ungrateful attitude lives in many of us. Like our ancestors in the desert, we complain and demand more and more from Hashem, often forgetting to thank Him for all the good He already gives us.

How many of us start our day saying: “Thank You, Hashem. Thank You for letting me wake up. Thank You for my health, for being able to drink, to eat, to move, to think. Thank You for everything You give me, even things I didn’t ask for”?