Unconditional Love and Faith: How Rivka Rotenberg Found Her Way Back to Judaism

If you were to meet Rivka Rotenberg with her husband and children on the street, they would look like a perfectly ordinary young Haredi family — parents with two small children at the very beginning of their lives together. Only those who know her story understand just how far from obvious this reality truly is.

Today, looking back on everything she has been through, Rivka knows how to appreciate the hashgacha pratit — the Divine providence that accompanied her. “So many times I could have fallen and broken completely. I could have ended up in a totally different place. Thank God that I merited to be where I am today,” she says emotionally.

Three Rules

“From as far back as I can remember, I never really connected to religion — and if you want to point an accusing finger at my parents, I can say unequivocally: it has nothing to do with them,” Rivka clarifies. “My parents are righteous people — mainstream of the mainstream. But already at a very young age, I felt that the way of life they chose was not what I was searching for. Around the age of 14, I told them that I was leaving and intended to abandon religious observance. Of course it wasn’t easy for them, but to this day I remember a conversation with my father in the kitchen. He said to me: ‘I am your father, and the most important thing in the world to me is that you be well. If you feel that being secular is good for you, I support you — but not your path.’ And so I set out on a new journey, learning new concepts and adopting a different lifestyle.

“Recently, I happened to speak with my parents about it again, and I asked them: ‘Weren’t you afraid when I chose a different path from yours?’ My father explained: ‘We believe that the Creator gives us the privilege of raising our children, and that He entrusts souls to us. Our role is to raise them — but the outcome is not in our hands, only in the hands of God.’”

Did you always have a close relationship with your father?

“My father is a great Torah scholar who studies 18 hours a day, so it’s hard to say we had a relationship in the usual sense of the word. I admired my father with all my heart and felt he was the most perfect person in the world. I also felt a deep reverence for him — to the extent that even when I was disregarding some of the most important mitzvot in the Torah, I was careful not to sit in my parents’ chairs, out of respect, because it was simply ingrained in me.

“When my father understood that I was leaving religion, he gave me three rules: the first — not to wear pants in the house; the second — not to use an unfiltered cellphone near my siblings; and the third — ‘If you go out and roam around, make sure you have a way to get back home.’ During the period when I distanced myself, I experienced ups and downs, but even when I was far, I continued to respect my father — mostly out of awe and fear, and only rarely out of love.

“I felt that love, for example, when I would leave the house to go out, and my father wouldn’t scold me — he would simply remind me: ‘Make sure you have a way to get home.’ That sentence always stayed with me. I remember planning to go out for a night with friends, and when I realized I had no way to get back, I would decide not to go — with a sense of pride: ‘My parents respect me, and I respect them too.’

“When I turned 18 and was about to enlist as a lone soldier, my parents organized a ‘draft party’ for me with a cake from a bakery — something that was never bought in our home. They didn’t judge me or say a word about my decision to enlist. That too showed me their immense love.”

“Let’s Keep Shabbat”

Rivka’s time in the army was not easy. “I was very far from religion, and I sank to the very bottom,” she describes. “I felt I needed to experience ‘freedom’ and test every boundary. During that time, I also barely visited home.”

But toward the end of her military service, something interesting happened. “I happened to be walking in the street one Shabbat and came across a few people returning from synagogue. I saw their tallitot, and suddenly I felt a sharp pang in my heart, as a chilling thought passed through me: ‘One day, I too will return to keeping Shabbat.’

“The following Shabbat, friends suggested I join a seminar run by Arachim — not to become religious, but because ‘it’s an opportunity to enjoy a hotel, good food, friends, and laughs.’ I joined them, but at the last moment before Shabbat, my friends surprised me by deciding: ‘We’re keeping Shabbat.’ I went along with them, and it was actually nice.

“The next Shabbat, one of my roommates suggested, ‘Let’s keep Shabbat,’ and again I agreed. Since the decision was made just before Shabbat began, we had no prepared meals, and the entire Shabbat we ate only cornflakes with milk. On the third Shabbat, two friends who were Shabbat observant came to our apartment, and it felt natural for me to join them. By the fourth Shabbat, I had already been discharged from the army — and suddenly I realized I had been keeping Shabbat consecutively for three weeks without any explanation. At that moment, I decided in my heart to keep Shabbat at home, and that was the fourth Shabbat in a row. From then on, I felt there was no point in desecrating Shabbat anymore. Thank God, to this day I have stood by it, and it isn’t even difficult for me.

“A few months later, one day I looked in the mirror and felt that my shirt was too revealing, so I chose one that was a bit less short, and later I lengthened the sleeves even more. It wasn’t out of a conscious decision to take on modesty, and no one spoke to me about it — it came from an inner place, gradually and without pressure.”

Faith Alone

Around the age of 23, Rivka wanted to enter the world of shidduchim (dating), but before doing so, it was important for her to clarify a few things with her father.

“I asked to speak with him,” she says, “and I shared with him two very difficult experiences I had gone through over the years. It was important to me that he look me in the eyes and tell me that I was not to blame. He not only looked me in the eyes, but also encouraged and comforted me with great love and many strong, empowering words — and in the end, he gave me a big hug.

“I felt that the understanding and love he conveyed opened the path for me to continue my life. The amazing thing is that that very same week, my future husband was suggested to me, and about a month and a half later we were engaged. Thank God, today I am a mother, I work in the field of education, and I see it as a great privilege to share my story — simply to give strength to other families going through similar experiences.”

Not all stories end with a happy ending. In your opinion, what is the secret that made your relationship so strong?

Rivka doesn’t hesitate for a moment: “The secret is one word: faith. And I think it’s something both my father and I had. My father truly believed that everything that happens is the will of the Creator. And I, who saw his behavior over the years and his unconditional love toward me, suddenly understood how deeply God loves us — even when we cause Him pain. Because He is our Father, and the essence of fatherhood is love. Today, faith is an inseparable part of me, and that is unquestionably thanks to my precious parents.”