How to Help Your Children Feel Safe During Crisis- Even When You’re Struggling Too

How can I help my children feel safe, when I feel afraid myself?

This was a question I received by email and it’s a concern many parents feel at times. How can you give your children a sense of peace and security when you yourself are overwhelmed, frightened, or feeling helpless?

Step One: Calm Yourself First

Before you can offer your children calm and reassurance, it’s essential to first find some inner calm yourself. 

Start by acknowledging what you’re feeling. Don’t try to suppress your emotions or tell yourself “everything is fine” when you don’t feel that way. Let yourself feel your fear. Name it. Own it. Give yourself permission to say, “I’m afraid.” That honesty is the beginning of emotional grounding.

Then, strengthen yourself with faith. Remind yourself that we are here in this world with a purpose, that G-d's hand is guiding everything, even when it doesn’t seem that way. It may look like chaos, but nothing happens by chance. We are under constant Divine supervision, even when we don’t understand the reasons for the challenges in our lives.

If there are other words of encouragement that uplift you, say them out loud. While you're at it, give yourself a hug. Thank G-d for the blessings you still have. Gratitude is deeply calming.

Shift Your Focus to Giving and Doing

Don’t stay stuck in fear. Move into action. Giving to others and being productive are incredibly effective for calming the mind and heart. They shift your focus outward and reduce the spiral of anxious thoughts.

Now You Can Talk to Your Kids

Once you’ve found some calm, you can speak with your children. The first and most important step is to allow them to talk. Let them say whatever is on their heart. The simple act of being heard will already begin to calm them.

If you are calm while talking to them, they will feel it. Children don’t just hear our words, they feel our energy.

Create a Calming Routine

Children feel more secure when their day has structure. Help them maintain a daily schedule even if you have a lot going on. A child who is engaged is less likely to dwell on worries about the outside world, and is more likely to feel calm, grounded, and safe.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

When dealing with a challenge, it is completely okay to ask for emotional, physical or practical help. Don’t hesitate to reach out for parenting guidance or support. A peaceful, joyful, and secure atmosphere at home is the best gift you can give your children.

Yochi Danchi is a multidisciplinary emotional counselor, parenting coach, and expert in conscious motherhood, discipline, and family guidance.