Living Beyond Chronic Pain: How to Reclaim Your Life Without Ignoring the Struggle

Chronic pain can be all-consuming, and many will say that living with it is exceedingly disruptive on a daily basis. And yet, in order to cope, it's important to focus on other areas of life that are unrelated to the pain.

While trying to ignore the pain completely is not likely to be possible, it is important to avoid making the pain the focal point, and instead, redirect attention to other, more positive areas that aren’t tied to suffering.

A person suffering from chronic pain may label themselves as a “sufferer” which quickly becomes their central identity. If they look around, they’ll discover they can also apply other more positive, encouraging labels to themselves, such as “dedicated father,” “loving spouse,” or “skilled professional”.

Alongside the reality of their pain, the person can begin to view themselves through a wider lens, that sees the full range of their traits and areas of interest, many of which bring them satisfaction and joy. Even if pain remains part of their identity, it no longer needs to dominate their entire sense of self.

The more a person focuses solely on their pain, the less capacity they have for personal growth. They may spiral into despair, depression, and frustration- emotions that inevitably impact those around them. When they begin to look beyond the pain, and recognize other fulfilling areas of life, they can discover tools within themselves to grow through and despite the suffering.

In certain situations, a person may be surprised to find that it is in fact possible to distract from the pain. Distraction can be highly effective, as it shifts the brain’s focus and temporarily lessens the experience of pain. While it’s not always possible, and easier said than done, it’s worth trying to see if the current level of pain allows for even a slight degree of distraction.

More broadly, someone dealing with chronic pain should make it a goal to pursue overall quality of life. This is not a luxury, but a real and legitimate goal worth striving for. One should avoid falling into the mindset of simply “surviving the day” or “suffering less.” The aim should be personal growth, fulfillment, and living well.

It takes real courage to look beyond the pain and set an ambitious goal of quality of life, especially in moments when the pain threatens to consume one’s awareness. With that mindset however, there’s a real chance to build a fulfilling life where the pain is acknowledged but remains in its defined place.

The Role of the Support System

Those close to a person with chronic pain are encouraged to seek professional guidance to learn how best to help. Naturally, loved ones can get drawn into the constant focus on suffering, which can ultimately affect the person in pain as well. With proper guidance, they can learn how to validate and empathize with the suffering while not being consumed by it.

Without setting boundaries, they will become unable to provide meaningful help, because their emotional resources will be depleted. The solution is not be cold or unsympathetic to someone’s pain, but to ensure that not every conversation is focused on the suffering, not abandoning shared interests and activities, and continuing to bring other aspects of life into the relationship.

For instance, a woman whose husband suffers from chronic pain might say: “I know there are moments of pain- I understand and support you. But it’s also important that we make time to talk about other things in our lives, even in the midst of your pain.” She should show empathy and give the pain its space, while also protecting the other parts of their life from being consumed by it.

The intention is not to deny or dismiss the suffering, but to acknowledge it without allowing it to become the whole story.

There are two main benefits to this approach:

1. The person in pain begins to see that life exists beyond their suffering- which in itself can significantly improve their coping ability.

2. For the loved ones, maintaining a more balanced, normal life alongside the pain helps prevent burnout and allows them to keep providing support long term.

Everyone needs empathy and understanding at times and it’s healthy to talk about your pain. At the same time, be mindful not to overwhelm your loved ones. Talk about the pain, but don’t allow it to dominate every conversation or interaction.