Choosing Life: A Journey from Anxiety and Despair to Emotional Healing

“I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

A 28-year-old woman came to me for therapy- we’ll call her Tova. Tova reminded me of so many women who had lost the ability to choose life years before. Her journey had been filled with painful challenges including childhood rejection, learning difficulties, a weak parental system, and very low self-esteem. Most of her life was spent teetering between questioning whether she belonged at all and feeling certain that she was utterly alone.

When Tova arrived at my clinic, she walked in drained and detached, her head down, barely making eye contact, shoulders slumped, her eyes void of hope.

During therapy, Tova shared terrifying physical symptoms including paralyzing fear, trembling, intense muscle tension, and rapid heartbeat. I also learned she rarely left her home, she struggled with basic hygiene, had no steady job, and no friendships. Her mood was consistently low, her morale depleted, and a sense of failure flooded her life. Sadness had seeped into every corner of her existence.

Tova was the type of client where I could sense a near-total surrender to life, a disconnect from the command to "live by them" (V’chai bahem). There was no will to "be". She lacked the energy to fight and was weary from her journey, which felt to her like an endless stream of suffering. The medical professionals labeled her with “depression and panic attacks,” and she didn’t challenge those definitions.

Through structured, continuous, and motivational therapy, we began identifying the unresolved inner conflicts that had followed her from childhood into adulthood. We focused on the strengths, skills, and talents that she had used in the past and learned to see them again in the present, to believe in them, and to dare to use them once more. The anxiety and fear that had stalked her for so long began to feel less overwhelming, and, surprisingly, more manageable.

As we gave those fears space, faced them directly, and stopped avoiding or fleeing from them, they slowly began to fade. In their place, we built up her confidence and reawakened the strong, resilient Jewish identity within her. We replaced despair and a sense of hopelessness with conversation, faith, and trust in G-d.

Then, through the window of Tova’s eyes, something remarkable happened: a spark of curiosity. A glimmer of clarity. A sudden flash of hope. Her posture straightened, and her time became filled with action.

Some say, “One who believes has no fear”, but I saw something else in Tova: Someone who faces fear and learns to overcome it becomes even more faithful- to herself and to her Creator.

As her therapist, I witnessed Tova’s personal resurrection, as she finally chose life.

Nirit Ben Kalifa is a psychotherapist and CBT therapist.