How to Overcome Deep Sadness and Reclaim Joy in Life

Hello Rebbetzin,
I’m reaching out to you in a time of deep difficulty. The truth is, I don’t feel happy in life, and I find that my moments of joy are rare and fleeting. Most of the time, I feel like I’m in an inner war, constantly battling something heavy and depressing. I want so badly to be a joyful woman, but it’s just not happening, and that makes me feel hopeless. Do you really believe there’s anything that can help me feel better in my life?

Dear precious and beloved woman,
I read your words and feel the pain behind them. Truly, one of the most difficult and burdensome experiences in life is to live under the weight of sadness, emotional heaviness, and lack of motivation. Every human being naturally longs to live a full life- both internally and externally- filled with joy, vitality, inspiration, and the motivation to grow, achieve, and reach a better quality of life.

It’s important that you look at your current emotional state seriously and compassionately. Start by asking yourself the following foundational questions:

1. When did you first start feeling this heaviness or emotional decline?

2. How long has this current episode been lasting?

3. Are you pre- or post-partum?

4. What happened just before these feelings began?

5. What makes the pain or sadness worse?

Every emotional state is a signal- your inner self trying to tell you something urgent and essential.

When our inner world is not cared for properly, it begins to release feelings of pain, sadness, emptiness, and overwhelm- sensations that tighten the chest, drain the heart, and rise in our throat. These feelings are a cry from the soul that it can no longer carry the burden, and it “overflows.” When this happens, we lose emotional balance and feel out of control, reacting impulsively.

The soul is like a cup. It can only hold so much. If we keep pouring into a full cup, it spills over.

Emotional heaviness is a call for a deep and honest inner cleanse. The soul needs to empty itself of the old, of the burdensome, to make space for something new, vital and nourishing. Often this kind of overload even leads to physical symptoms or illness, a phenomenon known as psychosomatic conditions.

Pain, sadness, or emotional suffocation aren’t your enemy. They are your soul asking you to release and let go. The problem begins when we aren’t ready to look at what these feelings bring up, such as childhood memories, trauma, physical and emotional pain, and so we repress them. By pushing these feelings back inside, we only make the burden heavier and more explosive.

What can you do? Here are a few important suggestions:

1. Seek professional help- don’t wait. No one else can do this inner work for you. And, as the sages say, “A prisoner cannot free himself from his own chains.” If you’ve tried everything and nothing has helped, now’s the time to seek the guidance of a trained, professional therapist who can show you the way.

2. If one therapist or method didn’t help- don’t give up. Keep looking until you find the person or approach that resonates with you. I recommend that women work with female therapists, and men with male therapists.

3. You are where your thoughts are. If you’ve lived your life with pessimistic or negative thoughts, it’s time to start planting new ones. Train yourself, moment by moment, to feed your mind with positive, hopeful thoughts. The key: two thoughts can’t exist in the same space at the same time.

4. Choose life. The evil inclination will do everything it can to drag you into sadness and despair, because from there, you lose your hope, your spirit, and your connection to G-d. But remember: before G-d created the world, He created teshuva (repentance, return). No matter how far you’ve fallen, there is always a way back. “One who admits and leaves behind their wrongdoings will find compassion.” In fact, the sages say: “In the place where penitents stand, even the perfectly righteous cannot stand.”

5. Bring joy into your daily life. Add something to your day that uplifts you- a hobby, a walk in nature, dancing, singing, journaling, or talking to G-d in personal prayer. Do anything that brings light into your soul.

If you take full responsibility for your healing and take active steps toward a better life, Heaven will assist you. As the saying goes, “One who comes to purify himself is helped from above.”

Hagit Amayev is a Family Counselor & Psychotherapist