Have You Done Something to Someone that You Wouldn't Want Done to You?

Until 2008, I managed an insurance agency specializing in pensions. During the period I want to tell you about, we had four employees in the office and a team of sub-agents. We all got on well at first, but over time, I started to notice that hostility was building between Mark and Simon, both of them full-time office workers. I didn't need to be an expert to notice that Simon was the one fueling the hatred.

The atmosphere in the office became strained, and team coordination meetings turned into battlegrounds. Mark’s productivity started to decline and it was obvious that his heart was no longer in the job. I started to seriously contemplate firing one of them.

After several especially difficult days, when I was about to despair, I suddenly realized that I had another, better option. It wouldn’t be easy, but I could at least try to make peace. I started asking Hashem for clarity and for practical ideas to restore what had been a harmonious atmosphere in the office.

Hashem helped, and the solution flashed quickly into my mind. When Simon left for his lunch break, I followed him out.

He turned to me curiously, and I smiled. “Simon, you’ve been working here for quite a number of years, and you’re excellent at your job. But... well, you know what it’s been like the past few months. We simply can’t go on like this. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife and it’s affecting everyone. Not to mention your sales, which have really taken a hit.”

Simon didn’t say a word, and I continued: “Look, you must know of the commandment ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ and you also know this means, in a nutshell, that if you wouldn’t want something to be done to you, you don’t do it to others. Please be honest with me—have you done something to Mark that you wouldn’t have wanted done to you?”

“I haven’t done anything! Mark’s been telling you lies about me, and you’ve decided to believe him—the rookie—and attack me, who’s been working here for years!” Simon was furious but I didn’t back down.

“Simon, please just look me in the eye and tell me what you’ve done to Mark.”

Once Simon realized that I wasn’t going to back down, he relented, and started, very haltingly at first, to relate a few very unfortunate incidents. Though it was hard for him at first to admit what he’d done, as he spoke it was clear that he was glad to get it all off his chest.

It transpired that Simon had felt threatened by Mark’s success, and had started making disparaging comments about his work and mocking him in front of the other two employees. There was more, and I heard him out with an impassive expression, without making a single remark.

I didn’t judge him or condemn him—I just let him speak, and when he finished, he told me that he was so glad he’d come clean.

Over the next two weeks, it was clear that the atmosphere in the office had changed. Even I, who had expected things to improve, could hardly believe how quickly things could turn around. Suddenly there was a level of respect between the two men that had never been present before, and even their sales levels reached new heights.

Needless to say, I was delighted, and the most amazing part was when Simon approached me and told me how impressed he was with Mark’s work and what a fast learner he was. “Oh, and Rabbi Aharon... Thanks. Thanks a lot,” he said, smiling shyly.