Calming the Fire: A Torah Path to Overcoming Anger

When anger takes over, relationships suffer. These 17 Torah tips can help bring back peace, self-control, and blessings from Heaven

Is there anyone who has never felt angry? It’s a human emotion but one that can easily get out of control. And the consequences can be serious. Think how many close relationships have been broken because someone “lost it.” How many people were fired from their jobs for reacting in anger. How many accidents and even injuries happen when someone is overtaken by road rage.

But here’s the good news: anger can be overcome. And when we do, the reward both in this world and the next is enormous.

Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Lugasi, in his book Nafshi Be’she’ilati, shares powerful Torah-based tools for calming the inner fire. Here are 17 practical tips that can help us hold back anger and strengthen our emunah (faith in Hashem).

1. Speak softly and calmly when disagreeing with someone. Try to speak as little as possible during a disagreement as it prevents things from escalating.

2. Remember that staying silent during an argument is a great merit. In fact, Chazal (our sages) say that it atones for sins even more than fasting.

3. Avoid looking directly at the person you’re angry with. It only fuels the emotion. In general, don’t look at angry people, it draws their energy inward.

4. The Shelah HaKadosh (Rabbi Yeshaya Horowitz ztz”l) teaches: Holding onto your tzitzit (fringes on a tallit or garment) during a moment of anger can help restore calm.

5. Study Torah sources about anger. Filling your mind with Torah wisdom helps the soul stay grounded.

6. Give tzedakah (charity). Acts of kindness help soften the heart and open channels of compassion.

7. Leave the room if you feel yourself getting angry. Just changing your environment can give you the space to cool down.

8. Remind yourself: this challenge is from Hashem. When you hold back your anger, you are earning blessing. Right at that moment, Heaven is deciding how much abundance to send you.

9. Train yourself to judge others favorably. When you assume the best about people, it’s much harder to get angry with them.

10. Avoid arguments as much as possible. Even “being right” isn’t worth the emotional toll of constant conflict.

11. Say “Amen, Yehei Shmei Rabba” with intention during Kaddish. This prayer is known to help cancel anger and draw mercy from Above.

12. Remember: anger causes spiritual damage. It chips away at your kedushah (holiness), and it takes effort to rebuild what’s lost.

13. Set a personal penalty for giving in to anger. Whether it’s giving extra tzedakah or taking on a small commitment, it helps raise your awareness.

14. Prepare in advance for potentially stressful situations. Before a difficult event, strengthen yourself with tefillah (prayer) and Torah study.

15. Be extra aware before Shabbat or fast days. These times are spiritually sensitive and arguments tend to come more easily. Prepare your heart.

16. Postpone expressing your anger. Make a conscious decision to wait until the emotion passes. Then, speak calmly if it’s still necessary.

17. Finally, remember: anger blocks emunah. If you truly believe Hashem runs the world, you know that even frustrating situations are part of His plan. Anger shows we’ve forgotten that.

It takes work to overcome anger. But with these Torah tools and the awareness that Hashem lovingly guides every situation, we can respond to life’s challenges with peace, clarity, and strength.