Ditsa Or on Her Abducted Son: "No One Can Touch Your Soul"

At the entrance to Ditsa Or's home, a row of blooming pots stands. In the green yard, there is a large swing facing the pastoral view of the Shiloh Valley. Only the large sign peeking from the trunk of the car parked in the driveway suggests a different reality. The image of Avinatan, Ditsa's abducted son, looks out from it, with the familiar and painful caption "Bring them home". 

"Avinatan is a wonderful and brilliant man, kind-hearted and generous, funny, and loved by everyone," Ditsa begins. "Not one to make much noise, but at the right moment, he can deliver a punchline that leaves everyone on the floor. By profession, he is an electronics engineer, and in his free time, he used to volunteer with sick children in the oncology department. He loved telling them stories, laughing, and playing with them. A man full of life, surrounded by friends, someone who knows how to cook and bake, but not just anything, rather high-level stuff". 

On Shabbat morning of Simchat Torah, a video was released showing Avinatan being led to Gaza on foot, held by a group of terrorists. His girlfriend, Noa Argamani, was seen crying for help after being put on a motorcycle and abducted while by his side. Since then, life has turned upside down. Ditsa, a mother of seven and grandmother to grandchildren, who ordinarily works in emotional counseling and teaching psychology, found herself facing a reality she never imagined. Ordinary days became a distant concept for her, replaced by a routine of disaster.

Disaster Routine

What are you going through these days?

"The feelings change according to events and whatever comes up that day. Every morning until 11, I give time to the difficult emotions. During this time, all my mental muscles and defense mechanisms are still relaxed, and I allow the pain and fear to bubble and surface. It has been this way for a long time; this has become the routine.

"I recite Avinatan's Psalm according to Chabad custom - Psalm 31, which is so tuned and precise, it shakes me and makes it difficult to say it. The chapter begins and ends with verses of faith and trust, the last verse is 'Be strong and let your heart take courage, all who hope in the Lord', and in the middle, there is a series of verses that really describe captivity – 'for they conspired against me, to take away my life', 'and did not deliver me into the hand of the enemy'. Every time I recite Psalms for someone, I imagine entering them and speaking from their throat. It pains me to say this chapter from Avinatan's throat, but at the same time, I feel that these words strengthen him".

After 11 a.m., Ditsa closes the gate. "For the rest of the day, I try to work on security and safeguarding the soul from infiltrating foreign thoughts. It's clear to me that I need to give place for painful emotions, otherwise, it's repression that will hopefully explode in a destructive way. But not all day, only as instructed by the Alter Rebbe, 'at fixed times'. This means I invite the weaknesses and decide when to meet them, and they do not attack me in the middle of the day. When it does come suddenly, I dismiss the pain and choose to block the gate, defending with an army the boundaries of my soul and consciousness. 'Fixed times' also means I make this meeting on my home field, where I decide how it will look and what the boundaries will be. It's not easy, nothing is easy now, but this way I keep myself from drowning inside".

Are you able to maintain faith that this story will end well?

"In my terms, this is a question of trust and here is the place to elaborate on this duo – faith and trust. At first glance, they seem like the same thing to us, as if there is some type of duplication here, but these are actually two opposites in the soul. Faith is saying what Rabbi Akiva said, 'Everything the Merciful does is for a good reason', even when things do not look good, or appear even painful, hard, and very harmful. It's saying 'no evil descends from above', even if we don’t see the good in reality. Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev used to say 'if it’s good it’s You, if it’s bad it’s You, and if it’s You, then it’s good'. This is faith, and it's in the crown, in the highest place". 

Trust, on the other hand, is different. "Trust is in the lower sefirot of Netzach and Hod, which are in the legs – in the reality of connection to this world. There, I want to feel the good, but with my tools, the visible and the revealed. Not divine good that looks hard, but good that one can feel as good. That it should be sweet like we bless 'a good and sweet year'. Explained in Chabad, trust is a mitzvah, we are commanded to have trust. And if we are commanded, it means we have the ability. Hashem did not command us to fly with wings because it’s not possible. But He does command us to have trust. So I work on it – choosing to see in my mind a picture of victory, strong, detailed, joyful. To see in my imagination Avinatan returning healthy, happy, triumphant, and that all of this will happen with great sanctification of Hashem’s name". 

From that trust, Ditsa also acts in reality. "When approaching reality from below, in fear and defeat, and looking from there – then everything that happens is big and threatening, and there's no feeling of ability to deal with it", she explains. "But if coming from a deep and inner position – that we are oriented towards Shechinah's presence in the world, and have the backwind of infinity – then we approach from above, see a more accurate and true picture of reality, and can act much more effectively".

A simple example of this is brought by Ditsa from life: "If, for instance, you're going on a trip, and there's a moment when you don’t know where to turn, the most correct thing to do is to climb to a high point in the area, and from there understand what is the right path to continue on. It’s impossible to navigate from a deep pit of despair and anxiety. Those who act in hysteria – often do the opposite of what is right for them. Climbing the mountain means rising to trust that Hashem is with us, that it will be good, that we will win, and from there choose the course of action on the ground. I try to do that with myself, and I invite all leaders and decision-makers to return to this place. To return to the Declaration of Independence, whose last paragraph begins with the words 'with trust in the Rock of Israel'. Decisions from the low pit we described – will not yield good".

The Good of the Abductees, The Good of Israel

How do you cope with the state's conduct regarding the abductees?

"What stands at the base of my worldview, and certainly in this terrible situation, is the separation between two planes. There is a plane of natural action with our tools, in the revealed reality of this world; and there is the divine plane, where Hashem leads the world and directs everything for good with personal providence. These two planes exist in reality simultaneously, and when I internalize them both, it is condensed within me into the expression of the Baal Shem Tov – 'zeal with calm'. I try to be zealous in action, to do everything possible, strong and precise, without laziness and without cutting corners, with all the natural powers that Hashem has given me. And together with this, I hold an inner place in my heart of calmness. This means that I know there is a divine plan here, and I know that who will decide what happens and the fate of the abductees is not the Prime Minister or the Cabinet or Biden with his ships. It’s clear to me that who will determine the fate of the entire Israeli nation and particularly the abductees is the Creator of the World. The calmness that comes from this is from a clear knowledge that we are in good hands, and that everything is led for good. You can also define these two planes as faith and effort. So I do as much as possible, and I see around me how everyone is doing what they understand and can with all the might and force. And when things go not according to my opinion and will, I say 'Okay Hashem, it’s Your plan, everything is in Your hands'".

You are active in the Tikvah Forum working for the return of the abductees. Can you explain what this is about? 

"The Tikvah Forum acts out of concern for the people of Israel and sees the broad picture of the security of all of Israel and the security of Israel for generations. This is from a wide faith perspective and from genuine internal Jewish strength. From this place, it's clear to us that the good of the abductees is intertwined with the good of all the people of Israel, and they do not come at the expense of each other but go together. This is based on a correct and proper attitude towards Hamas and the wickedness, which, in our opinion, will advance the release of the abductees. When Hamas is crushed, they will beg us to take back the captives and leave them alone". 

(Courtesy of the family)

A Picture of Victory

Is there something you would like to ask us to do for the return of the abductees, and specifically Avinatan? 

"Strengthen in what we talked about – in faith and trust, with an emphasis on trust. Truly, they are a duo – and cannot exist without each other. There cannot be trust in revealed good, without faith that even what we don't understand is good. But trust is to create a picture of definite good, on our level, and we can do this with the tool of imaginative work on the screen of thought. Just as I paint for myself a picture of victory. I see Avinatan returning upright and joyful. And even if it is decreed that we need to wait longer, I see him there strong, healthy, full of strength. I hold a picture of victory over every moment we have to go through, in every situation". 

"It's known from holy books that thought creates reality, the Tzemach Tzedek said 'think good, it will be good'. And this is the work, to think with all the senses – to see it, hear it in the ears, feel it physically by touch. Let all the senses be involved in this feeling of victory. Anyone willing to join this effort, to imagine the good awaiting us daily for a few minutes – that’s what I’m asking. To see the strongest, happiest, and most complete picture in your mind. I even play, during this time, a cheerful Chassidic tune, often choosing the Rosh Chodesh Kislev tune of Chabad, which is like a victory march".

Finally, if you could, what would you want to say to Avinatan?

"I would want to tell him two things. One – that he should know Hashem is with him, protecting him, and will bring him home healthy, whole, joyful, and victorious, and I want to say also as soon as possible. And the second thing – he should know with certainty that no one can touch his soul. Even when he is abducted, under the control of evil, his soul is always in a state of freedom, free, strong, and it is this that will give him the strength to come back home".

Just before leaving Ditsa's home, I look at her and ask: he grew up in this house, breathed the spirit beating here. Do you think that now, while he is there, he knows these things? Ditsa ponders for a second and nods affirmatively, half-knowing, half-hoping.