When Walking Away Isn’t an Option

We’ve spoken before about what to do when someone is weighing you down, mocking you, or making you feel small. Whether they do it with good intentions or out of malice, the advice is clear to remove them from your space, avoid encounters, and do whatever it takes to move away from that environment.

What if it’s your boss at work? What if it’s someone important in your life whom you simply can’t cut off?

Even the Hasmoneans could have said, “We have no chance against the mighty Greeks,” and simply given up. But they didn’t.
There’s no such thing as “impossible.” You can say something is difficult- even very difficult- but never impossible.

The rare cases where cutting someone off is truly not an option might involve honoring one’s parents or other deep spiritual obligations. Aside from that, almost everything can be changed. A job, a school, a home, even childhood neighbors can all be left behind. Think very carefully before declaring, “I have no choice but to stay with the person who's ruining my life.”

If you’ve truly exhausted every option, and you’ve concluded with certainty that there’s no way to distance yourself from this person, there are two mindsets that can help you live without suffering:

1. Acceptance – Make peace with your reality. Stop trying to escape it, because you’ve already determined it’s not currently possible.

2. Reframing – From now on, treat anything this person says like the moans of someone in pain. Just as we wouldn’t get angry at a sick person groaning because they’re suffering, so too, view this person’s words as emotional outbursts rooted in inner distress. Don’t take them personally or answer back- just let the words pass through like a gust of wind.

If there is a way out, take it immediately. But if not, then complete acceptance is the best and healthiest path forward. Treat it like a temporary sick leave for your soul- a season to endure, with clarity and compassion for yourself.

Wishing you a joyful Chanukah!