Using Donor Sperm from a Non-Jewish Man
- כ"ט שבט התשע"ו
a question
Hi, I'm a single 38-year-old woman, and since I haven't found my soulmate yet, I've decided to visit a sperm bank to fulfill my dream of becoming a mom. I started researching and found out I need a non-Jewish donor for religious reasons. If I chose Jewish sperm, there's a risk that my future child might unknowingly meet their biological sibling, raising the possibility of incest. Plus, if it's a boy and the donor passes away, the child wouldn't be able to recite Kaddish for his father because he won't know who his father is. I'm really confused about what to do. In the past, I dated a non-Jew, who was the love of my life. We broke up only because of our religious differences, even though he respected all our traditions, like not lighting fires on Shabbat. I was strong and ended it. Now, the irony is that as I'm considering sperm donation, I realize I need a non-Jewish donor. I loved a non-Jewish man but ended it because of his heritage, and now I need a non-Jewish donor. What should I do?
Answer
Hello and blessings! You should feel proud and fortunate for choosing to separate from a non-Jew for your faith. Don’t lose hope in finding your match; I am confident that with your devotion to the Torah, you will soon find a suitable partner and have a lasting family through the natural way. We would be happy to pray for you to find a suitable match quickly. Please send us your full name for the prayer. Regarding sperm donation, neither option is ideal: neither anonymous Jewish sperm nor non-Jewish sperm is recommended. The worst case is anonymous Jewish sperm, which poses multiple issues beyond the child not knowing their lineage. Slightly better is non-Jewish sperm, as the child won't have any paternal recognition according to the Torah. The best but still not ideal is using sperm from a known Jewish donor. However, this is not the path that Hashem intended for bringing children into the world. Hashem will help you find your match soon, and you'll marry properly. While there's a severity regarding relationships, it's even more so with non-Jews compared to Jewish relations, as both are forbidden without purity and marriage. The only permissible way is after purification and marrying a suitable Jewish man. With your firm resolve and dedication to honor heaven, you will soon find a suitable match and have lasting children. Wishing you all the best and hoping for good news, Binyamin Shmuely.
