Letting Go of Grudges: The Torah’s Path to Inner Peace

“You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against the children of your people” (Leviticus 19:18).

What is the type of revenge prohibited by the Torah?

To say to someone: “I won’t do for you, just as you didn’t do for me,” or “I won’t help you because you didn’t help me in the past.”

What is bearing a grudge?

A person might say to his friend: “True, you didn’t help me when I was in trouble, you didn’t stand by my side. But despite that, I will help you now because you need my help. I’m not taking revenge.”

Even though he isn’t taking revenge, he is bearing a grudge. He remembers, he holds on to the resentment and even subtly shows it to his friend.

G-d asks to let go of the wrong your friend did to you.

“But why, Master of the Universe? He hurt me! There was a time when I was poor and he was wealthy. I asked for help and he refused me. And now, when I am wealthy and he is poor, and he knocks at my door, of course I’ll help him. But at least let me mention it. Or at least let me keep it in my heart!”

G-d still insists: “Erase it from your heart.”

There are two powerful principles in this teaching.

1. If someone hurt you, it wasn’t your friend who did it. It was G-d. When you hold a grudge and keep bitterness in your heart, you are implying that he was the one who wronged you, and it didn’t come from Heaven. This is a denial of divine providence and it borders on heresy.

2. You are the one who suffers the most from holding onto the hurt. Your friend probably doesn’t even remember the wrong he did and he isn't carrying it with him day in and day out. Do you want a better life? Do you want more peaceful moments? Do you want to feel lighter and more at ease? Begin throwing out the garbage and burning coals from your heart. Let them go and keep your heart clean.

When your heart is clean, it will be healthy and whole, and your life will become the happiest in the world.