The Laws of Eulogizing the Deceased

The Virtue of Eulogizing

It is a great mitzvah to properly eulogize the deceased. The obligation is to raise one's voice to say things that break the heart, in order to increase weeping and to mention the deceased's praises. (Section 344:1)

The Virtue of Weeping

Our Sages said (Shabbat 105b): Whoever sheds tears over a worthy person is forgiven for all his sins, because of the honor he has shown. Hashem counts these tears and stores them in His treasury, as it is said (Psalms 56:9): "You have counted my wanderings; put my tears in Your flask." All the more so for the passing of righteous individuals, about which the holy Zohar states (Vayikra 56b): Anyone who grieves over their passing or sheds tears for them, Hashem announces about him (Isaiah 6:7): "Your iniquity is removed, and your sin is atoned for." His children will not die during his lifetime, and about him it is said (Isaiah 53:10): "He shall see his offspring, he shall prolong his days, and the desire of Hashem shall prosper in his hand."

Praising the Deceased

How should one eulogize? If the deceased was a Torah scholar, one praises his diligence and persistence in Torah study. If his father was also a Torah scholar, one mentions his father's praises as well. If he conducted himself with piety, one mentions his piety. If he taught Torah to others, one praises him for bringing merit to the public. If he was wealthy and gave charity, one praises his generosity toward sacred matters and his abundant compassion for orphans, widows, and the poor of Israel. If he was humble, one praises him for being modest and avoiding honor. If he endured suffering, one praises him for this, as it is a great defense for him, since suffering purifies a person's sins. When eulogizing a woman, one praises her for her good qualities in modesty, kindness, and good character traits. If she was privileged to have a Torah scholar as a husband, one praises her for standing by her husband's side and helping him grow in Torah. Similarly, one should speak in praise of her children whom she raised to love Torah and fear of Heaven, as it is said about the woman of valor (Proverbs 31:28): "Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, and he lauds her." (Section 344:1)

The Midrash states: "When a person passes from this world, Hashem says to the ministering angels, 'Go out and see what people are saying about him: He was righteous, he feared Heaven, he performed acts of kindness,' and immediately his bier floats in the air." And they said in the Jerusalem Talmud: The deceased knows and hears his praise as if in a dream, and knows everything that is said about him in his presence, until the grave is sealed.

Adding Praise

When mentioning the deceased's good qualities, one may add to them slightly, but it is forbidden to attribute qualities that were not present at all or to excessively exaggerate in praise, for one who adds too much causes harm to himself and to the deceased. (Section 344:1)

The Taz (344:1) asks: How is it permitted to add even slightly to the praise of the deceased? If a quality was not present, this would be lying, and what difference does it make whether the lie is small or large? He explains that it is reasonable to assume that someone who performs a certain mitzvah, such as giving charity at a particular level, would certainly not have refrained from doing a slightly greater mitzvah had the opportunity presented itself. Therefore, it is considered as if he had done it, and this is not false testimony.

Preparing the Eulogy

A mourner in the pre-burial period (onen) is permitted to consult books to prepare a eulogy, especially if he is the son of the deceased, as it brings great satisfaction to the departed when his son delivers his eulogy. Several leading decisors have done this in practice and even published their eulogies in their books.

Verses and Torah Teachings

It is permitted to recite verses and Torah teachings in a eulogy even near the deceased's bier or in the cemetery, since this is done in his honor. (Section 344:17)

The Ramah wrote that although we learned (Berachot 18a) that a person should not walk in a cemetery with tefillin on his head or a Torah scroll in his arm and read from them, because of "mocking the poor," this applies only when one studies for oneself. However, if it is done in honor of the deceased, such as when yeshiva students honor their teacher by studying at his grave, there is no issue of "mocking the poor." Rabbi Yitzchak Migash and the Nimukei Yosef wrote similarly. Rabbi Yitzchak Abuhav wrote that this is the basis for reciting verses in the cemetery and delivering Torah-based eulogies for the dead. The Beit Yosef wrote that this is the common practice. The Bach wrote that it has become customary to expound on aggadot and verses even within four cubits of the deceased, moving from topic to topic until reaching an account of the deceased's praises, his Torah study, piety, and other good qualities, since it is done in honor of the deceased, it is permitted.

Eulogies on Friday

It is permitted to deliver eulogies on Friday after midday. (Responsa Yad Eliyahu of Lublin; Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv; Mishnah Berurah Vol. 6, Dirshu edition, supplements p. 4)

One Who Requested No Eulogy

If someone requested not to be eulogized, his wishes should be respected and no eulogy given. Nevertheless, it is a mitzvah to speak words of moral instruction and inspiration, as hearts are more receptive at such times. However, if the deceased was a great and righteous person who taught Torah to the Jewish people, his request is not honored and he is eulogized, as has been the practice with many great Jewish leaders. But it is appropriate to be brief in his praises and to focus more on words of moral instruction and inspiration. (Responsa Yabia Omer Vol. 9, Yoreh Deah 33)

Bringing a Bier into a Synagogue

It is forbidden to bring the deceased's bier into a synagogue or study hall for a eulogy, unless the deceased was a great scholar of the generation, or one who taught Torah to the Jewish people, or the rabbi of the city. This was done for the funerals of the great luminaries of our generation, such as the divine Kabbalist Rabbi Mordechai Sharabi, Maran HaRishon LeZion Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, and the great rabbis Rabbi Yehuda Tzadka and Rabbi Ben Zion Abba Shaul, whose biers were brought into the hall of the Porat Yosef Yeshiva.

In places where there is a custom to bring the bier of someone who is not a Torah scholar into a synagogue, this custom should be abolished, as it harms the sanctity of the synagogue.