Announcement of Death

Who is a fool?

If someone's relative has passed away and they don't know about it, such as if they live in another country, one should not inform them. About one who does inform them, it is said (Proverbs 10:18): "He who spreads slander is a fool." (Section 402:12. A 126. B 110)

Peace is paramount

In a case where if you don't inform someone that their relative has passed away, and later when they find out, they will be very upset and there is concern for quarrel and dispute, you should inform them, because peace is paramount. Especially today in the communication era, when news can spread from one end of the world to the other in an instant.

Elderly. Sick.

An elderly or sick person whose relative has passed away should not be informed under any circumstances, lest they become weak and harmed [as mentioned above on page 116]. And one who informs them is a great fool. (A 126. B 111)

Announcements

It has become customary to publish notices about the time of the funeral. This is out of respect for the deceased so that people will come to accompany them, and also because it is only a hint and not explicit speech. (A 128. D 85) Rabbi Akiva Eiger wrote in his will: "If I die, announce my passing in the newspapers, with a note that I request my students and colleagues to study one chapter of Mishnah every day throughout the year, for the benefit of my soul. And also on the anniversary of my death each year."

Instructed to announce

Even if the deceased instructed before their death to inform others who live far away, or elderly and sick people and the like, one should not inform them. Because one can only give instructions regarding one's body and property, but not regarding the pain of others. (Rivam Shneytuch. D 83)

Family members

According to Maran Shulchan Aruch (Section 402:12), there is no obligation to inform even sons and daughters about the passing of their father and mother. (As explained in the Gemara (Pesachim 4a), Rabbeinu Chananel, Rashi, Mordechai, Tosafot, Orchot Chaim, Me'iri, Hagahot Maimoniot and others) However, the custom of Ashkenazim is to inform sons only, so they can say Kaddish, but there is no custom to inform daughters. (Rema ibid)

There is no obligation to inform other relatives, even with the aim that they should study Mishnah for the elevation of the soul. The responsa Mishneh Sachir writes that since according to the law one should not inform even sons, but Ashkenazim have the custom to inform them, it follows that notification was innovated through a custom that goes against the Talmud and the authorities, and since the notification itself is an innovation, you only have what was innovated and nothing more, and one should not add to it by informing other relatives even so they can study. (A 128. B 112)

Even according to Ashkenazi custom, if the son already says Kaddish for someone, and now his father or mother has passed away, or if the son says Kaddish for his father, and now his mother has passed away, there is no obligation to inform him, as one Kaddish serves for both. And even if he is a regular prayer leader, there is no need to inform him, because prayer has a higher value than Kaddish. (A 128. B 112)

Similarly, if there are several sons and one of them learns that their father has passed away and says Kaddish, there is no need to inform the other sons. (Chavot Yair, Maharash Kueider, Maharash Engel, Baruch Ta'am. A 128)

Even if someone passed away on a holiday or on Purim, one should not inform the sons, so they won't be prevented from fulfilling the commandment of rejoicing. So wrote the responsa Panim Me'irot. His proof is from what they said (Moed Katan 7b) regarding a leper, that a priest does not come to examine him during a festival to declare him impure. This shows that even a Torah commandment is delayed so as not to prevent someone from rejoicing on the festival, all the more so with rabbinical mourning, one should not inform him. (A 127. B 112)

Exempt from mourning

In any case where someone does not know that their relative has passed away, they do not observe the laws of acute mourning (aninut) or regular mourning (avelut) at all, and they are permitted to cut their hair, cut their nails, have marital relations, and participate in weddings and celebrations all year. Therefore, a man who knows about the death of his wife's relative but has not told her, since she is not in mourning, he is permitted to have relations with her. And likewise, a woman who knows about the death of her husband's relative but has not told him, she is permitted to have relations with him. (Section 402:12. A 126. B 110, 111, 154)

Human dignity

Sometimes, out of respect for human dignity, certain people should be informed of the death, such as when the mourners expect those people to come and comfort them. Similarly, a rabbi who is friendly with the family members should be informed of the death of their relative, so that he can come to encourage and strengthen them with words of Torah, as this too falls under the category of human dignity and maintaining respectful relationships.

Forbidden to lie

If someone asks about their relative whether they are alive, and their friend knows that they have passed away, one should not lie and say they are alive, as it is written (Exodus 23:7): "Distance yourself from falsehood," but should answer with a hint, such as if he asks: "Is my father alive?" one should answer him: "My father is alive," and he will understand on his own that his father has passed away. Such was the case in the Gemara (Pesachim 4a) where Rabbi Chiya asked Rav, "Is Father alive?" Rav answered him: "Mother is alive," so that he would understand that his father had passed away. (A 126. B 110) And if the responder's father has already passed away, he should answer with a questioning tone: "My father is alive?!"

May the wise hear and increase learning

From all of the above, we can understand the magnitude of the mistake of those unfortunate people who have a desire to inform others of bad news, and love to announce that something happened to so-and-so, and that so-and-so has fallen ill, God forbid, and that so-and-so has passed away, sometimes when they barely know them. Once, Maran zt"l expressed during a lesson: "Any person whose desire and passion is to bear bad news, it is a sign that he is a bad person." And indeed this is explained in the verse (Samuel II 18:27): "And the king [David] said, 'He is a good man, and comes with good tidings,'" meaning, since he only brings good news, it is a sign that he is a good person, and from the positive you can infer the negative – that one who brings bad news, it is a sign that he is bad.

Even by way of hint, it is not right to inform others and cause them distress without any necessity, because even if we say that by hint one is not considered a fool, nevertheless Maran the Chida (Sefer Tziporen Shamir 171) wrote: "If you know good news, quickly tell your friend, and his soul will be revived because of you, for one who brings good news restores the spirit. On the other hand, be careful not to announce bad news. And if you know bad news, let it not be heard from your mouth, for you cause great harm, as the listener will become sad and reduce his service of Hashem, and the sin is dependent on you." End quote.