How to Truly Honor Our Departed: More Than Just Flowers

The preacher Rabbi Yaakov Galinsky, of blessed memory, interpreted the verse: "He visits the sins of the fathers upon the children" in this way: Hashem reduces the sins of the fathers through the deeds of the children.<\/p>

"The matter is remarkable," wrote Rabbi Galinsky in his book "V'Higadta," "Such heavy responsibility lies upon the children's shoulders, and it's not for nothing that we're taught to say: "I am the atonement for his resting place." Rabbi Galinsky further explains that "with every Kaddish recited, every Mishnah studied, we lighten the departed's judgment. Through every mitzvah performed, every act of kindness, we elevate their soul."<\/p>

Rabbi Galinsky recounts an instance when he was asked to attend a memorial service for a deceased Jew. The family wanted a rabbi to speak at the event, and in return, they would generously donate to Torah institutions.<\/p>

The deceased had not observed mitzvot in his lifetime, and Rabbi Galinsky describes the memorial service organized by the family, who also did not observe mitzvot: "They came in groups, family, friends, partners, employees. Each group brought a wreath adorned with a black ribbon, placed it ceremoniously on the grave, and stepped back with folded arms. No Mishnah, Psalms, or even Kaddish was recited during the ceremony...<\/p>

Rabbi Galinsky, shocked to his core, decided: 'I'll forgo the money. Now it's time to speak boldly,' and spoke from his heart: "I thought to speak on behalf of the family, but I decided to speak on behalf of the deceased.<\/p>

"One of two possibilities: either there is an eternal soul, which upon a person's death ascends to heaven to give an account and receive reward and punishment, or there is no soul, and man has no advantage over the beast.<\/p>

"If there's no soul, why bring flowers? Nothing remains. And if there is a soul, does it need flowers?!<\/p>

"It's within the power of those who remember to ease her burden and increase her reward in heaven," cried the rabbi from the depths of his heart. "If only they would recite Kaddish, or read a Psalm, or study Mishnah!"<\/p>

"It's like giving a starved and thirsty beggar a bouquet of flowers instead of a slice of bread and a sip of water! Not a memorial, but a conference of oblivion!" concluded Rabbi Galinsky.<\/p>

His words were met with shock. The attendees looked at him incredulously, and naturally, he received no donation. Reflecting on the event, the rabbi said: "Atonement for the money, but the truth must be spoken, and compassion for the person buried under the black ribboned flower wreaths..."<\/p>

A year after the incident, the rabbi met one of the Chevra Kadisha workers, who told him: "You won't believe it, but this year they brought flower wreaths, recited Mishnahs, and concluded with Kaddish!"...<\/p>

Rabbi Shlomo Levinstein in a fascinating lecture on life after death:<\/strong><\/p>