What is the Most Disgraceful Trait, and How to Respond When Children Provoke?

1. The Correct Path – The Balanced Way: "The good and straight path is for a person to accustom himself to follow the middle way – not desiring anything except what the body needs and cannot live without. Similarly, one should not toil in his business affairs except to obtain what he needs for his temporary life. He should neither be tight-fisted nor wasteful with his money, but rather give charity according to his means, and lend appropriately to those in need. He should neither be boisterous and laughing, nor sad and mournful, but rather happy all his days in a pleasant manner, with a cheerful countenance. The same applies to most other traits – whoever follows the middle path is called wise." (Rambam, Laws of Character, Chapter 1)

2. Pride – One Must Distance Oneself Completely: "But pride is a very bad trait, and it is forbidden for a person to conduct himself with it even to a small degree. Rather, one should train oneself to be humble in spirit. And how should you train yourself to be humble and lowly in spirit? Let all your words be spoken gently, your head bent, your eyes looking upward while your heart is upward, and consider every person more important than yourself in your eyes as if they are greater than you: if they are more learned than you – you are obligated to honor them, and if they are wealthier than you – you are also obligated to honor them, as we find that Rabbi honored the wealthy, and you should think that if Hashem gave them wealth, there must be reason for it. And if someone is lesser than you in wisdom or wealth – think that they are more righteous than you, because if they commit a transgression – it is considered unintentional and unavoidable, while if you transgress – you do so deliberately. If you always think this way, you will not be able to become arrogant, and it will be good for you." (Chapter 29, Section 3)

3. One Should Greatly Distance Oneself from Anger: "Likewise, anger is a very bad trait, and it is proper for a person to distance himself from it greatly. One should train himself not to become angry even over matters that warrant anger. And if one needs to instill extra fear in his children and household members – he should appear angry in their presence in order to discipline them, but his mind should remain composed within himself. Our Sages of blessed memory said: 'Whoever becomes angry, it is as if he worships idols, and all types of Gehinom rule over him.'"

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4. Not to Become Angry, Even Over Provoking Matters: "Angry people do not live a life worth living. Therefore, the Sages instructed to distance oneself from anger until one trains oneself not to feel affected even by matters that provoke anger. This is the good way and the way of the righteous, who are insulted but do not insult back, who hear their disgrace and do not respond, who act out of love and rejoice in suffering. About them Scripture says: 'Those who love Him are like the sun rising in its might.'" (Chapter 29, Section 4)

5. It is Proper to Increase Silence: "A person should always increase silence, and speak only about matters of Torah or things needed for bodily sustenance. Even regarding bodily needs – one should not speak excessively." (Chapter 29, Section 5)

6. The Importance of Balance in Serving Hashem: "One might say: Since jealousy, desire, honor and the like are evil ways that remove a person from the world – I will separate from them completely and go to the opposite extreme, to the point where I will not eat meat, drink wine, marry a woman, live in a nice dwelling, or wear nice clothing, but rather wear sackcloth and the like – this too is an evil path and it is forbidden to follow it. One who follows this path is called a sinner. Therefore, our Sages of blessed memory instructed that a person should not withhold from himself except those things that the Torah has forbidden to us, and should not prohibit to himself, through vows and oaths, things that are permitted." (Chapter 29, Section 7)

7. Complete Avoidance of Dispute: "One should not quarrel for the sake of any commandment, such as to lead the prayers or to be called to the Torah." (Chapter 29, Section 9)

8. The Prohibition Against Persuading Someone to Sell an Item: "Anyone who covets his friend's house or vessels, or anything that his friend does not intend to sell, and he sends many friends to him, or pressures him personally until he sells it to him – he transgresses 'Do not covet.' And from the moment he is persuaded in his heart and thinks about how to acquire this item, he transgresses 'Do not desire,' because desire is only in the heart, and desire leads to coveting. And one who buys the thing he desired transgresses two prohibitions. Therefore, it is stated: 'Do not covet and do not desire.'" (Chapter 182, Section 5)