Finding Meaning in Suffering: A Jewish Spiritual Perspective on Pain, Acceptance, and Healing

The Torah tells of our forefather Yaakov after he believed that his beloved son Yosef had been torn apart by a wild animal (Bereishit 37:34): “Yaakov rent his garments, put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.” Our sages comment in the Midrash (Bereishit Rabbah 84:20): “Because Yaakov donned sackcloth, it did not depart from his children and his children’s children,” one example being Mordechai, who wore sackcloth and ashes in the days of Achashverosh when the wicked Haman sought to destroy the Jewish people.

At first glance, the Chatam Sofer (Derashot Chatam Sofer, IV, 185a) raises a powerful question: it seems that the Midrash implies a certain criticism of Yaakov for wearing sackcloth. But what could possibly be demanded of him? Could one expect a father, whose beloved young son was taken from him, not to mourn?

Accepting Suffering with Love

The Chatam Sofer explains that a person’s spiritual task is to accept everything that befalls them with love and even joy, knowing that suffering purifies and brings one closer to the Creator. When a person can rejoice in their suffering — recognizing that hardship itself deepens their closeness to God, that inner stance becomes the very source of salvation, leading them from darkness to light.

Yaakov endured many hardships in his life: Eisav's hostility, Lavan’s deception, the pain surrounding Dinah. In all these trials, he stood firm, accepting the pain with joy born of faith that it brought him closer to God. But when he believed that Yosef had died, a unique difficulty arose.

Why was this pain different? Rashi (Bereishit 37:35), citing the Midrash, explains that Yaakov had received a prophecy: if any of his children were to die during his lifetime, it would indicate that he would see Gehenna; if none died before him, it would mean he would not. Thus, when Yaakov believed Yosef had died before him, his anguish was not only over the loss of his son, but also over the fear of his own spiritual fate.

Nevertheless, because Yaakov donned sackcloth and mourned bitterly rather than accepting the suffering with love and joy, his descendants followed a similar path — one that does not lead to redemption. True deliverance comes when a person accepts trials with patience, faith, and joy, recognizing them as coming from Heaven.

One Act of Endurance Is Worth Many Prayers

From here, the Chatam Sofer introduces a striking insight: “One moment of endurance is worth many prayers.” In other words, the willingness to bear a measure of suffering outweighs the value of numerous prayers.

He illustrates this with Queen Esther, who invited Haman — certainly not a guest she desired, to her banquet with King Achashverosh. By doing so, she demonstrated her joy in suffering and her faith that salvation was near. Esther understood the secret: redemption comes through accepting suffering with love and trusting in imminent deliverance.

This idea is echoed in the words of David Hamelech (Tehillim 22:2), a psalm associated with Esther and Achashverosh: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my cry.” The Chatam Sofer explains: if one wishes to know how far away their salvation is, they should examine “the words of their cry.” The more one complains and protests against suffering, the further salvation is pushed away.

In contrast, the prophet Yeshayahu says (Isaiah 12:1): “I thank You, O Lord, for You were angry with me; Your anger turned away, and You comforted me.” When a person can thank God even for suffering — acknowledging and rejoicing in it, the result is that divine anger subsides and comfort, and salvation, draw near.

Suffering Accepted, Judgment Transformed

Rabbi Chaim ben Attar, the Ohr HaChaim (Bereishit 46:6), explains similarly why the bondage in Egypt did not begin as long as any of those who descended to Egypt were alive. As long as they accepted the exile upon themselves — what he calls “the remedy of suffering is its acceptance”, their acceptance protected Israel and delayed the onset of full oppression. Only when that generation passed away, and there was no one left to accept the suffering, did the harsh bondage begin.

Likewise, Rabbeinu Yonah writes in Shaarei Teshuvah (Gate 4, 12) that when a person accepts divine judgment with love, they transform the attribute of strict justice into mercy. Contrary to the common assumption that accepting suffering entrenches it, the truth is the opposite: accepting suffering with love is precisely what dissolves it and turns judgment into compassion.

There is immense spiritual value in facing hardship, suffering, and pain. None of us seeks difficulty, yet when it arrives, its meaning and potential should not be forgotten. Even within pain, there are many tools that can make coping more possible, more manageable, and — most importantly, keep the suffering in proper proportion, without allowing it to overwhelm life entirely.

Troubles and Distress

We conclude with a profound insight from the masters of ethical teaching. The verse states (Devarim 31:17): “They will encounter many evils and troubles, and on that day they will say: ‘Is it not because my God is not in my midst that these evils have come upon me?’”

Why does the verse begin with “many evils and troubles,” but conclude with “evils” alone?

The answer lies in the distinction: “evil” refers to the objective hardship itself, while “trouble” describes the subjective emotional burden — the inner distress it causes. Onkelos translates “troubles” as “that which weighs upon a person.”

Before repentance, when a person attributes events to chance, they suffer doubly: from the evil itself and from the emotional distress it brings. But once a person repents and recognizes that hardship has meaning — whether as consequence, refinement, or divine guidance, the emotional distress begins to fade.

Moreover, once the meaning of suffering is understood, the hardship itself becomes less overwhelming. The person copes more effectively, and its disruption to daily life diminishes significantly.

Let us adopt these perspectives in our daily lives. By viewing challenges through this lens, we may discover that our quality of life improves in truly remarkable ways.